#though i did think it over for a long while and i'm delighted when people use an unexpected gender term for me

[gideonisms]

any time I use the feminine pronoun or gendered titles for myself please put the ancillary justice gender filter over it. this is a gender of convenience to fit in with the locals and if I'm being honest I still find it inconvenient and counterintuitive

[neil-gaiman]

hi neil. i've held off on writing this message for a bit because i didn't know if i could get it out or not.

i work in a senior healthcare facility. not a nurse or anything, i actually just serve food to the residents, but it's given me the ability to get to know a lot of the people that live there. because of this, i was able to befriend a wonderful lady named sally. she would always come talk to me while i served up the meals, and we'd have nice chats. she spent most of her time reading books, since she didn't like to do many of the activities with the other residents, and since she loved books with mystery and suspense, i loaned her my copy of american gods, thinking that she'd enjoy it. and she did! i loved it when she'd come talk to me about the chapter she'd just read, our little chats about wednesday, just everything. i was happy that she liked the book.

our chats kind of tapered off after awhile, and we didn't talk as much. she's had my book for well over a year now, which i hadn't minded, but she eventually started picking up our chats again, about the book. but she was talking about how she had just started reading it and that she was really interested in it so far. i came to realize some time later that sally was actually just finally showing signs of dementia, which was saddening for me to hear, but it's one of the heavy realities of working in a facility like this. she had always struggled with some memory and speech issues, but i'd always chalked it up to her older age.

anyway. i am saddened by this onset, but at the same time, i am also finding some strange comfort in knowing that she will come up to me at breakfast, wanting to talk to me about american gods, because she's forgotten that she's already read most of it, and she just reads the first few chapters over and over. she doesn't leave her room without it, she brings it to the table with her every day. when she leaves the facility with her family for an outing, she brings it with her. i am just. so comforted knowing that your book i loaned her a year ago is a source of joy and delight for her, and continues to be so over and over. i know i'll never get that book back, and i won't ever try to get it back from her, even if she stops reading it. i want her to keep it.

i now have a streak regarding losing my books that you've written, i'm two for two now, haha

idk. i'm just really kind of overwhelmed today by all the emotions surrounding it and i'm just happy that you wrote something that she likes so much, and that we talk about it even though she doesn't remember that we've talked about it a dozen times before. i love each and every chat with her so much, and i want to keep having them with her for as long as i can. thank you for your work.

Some of the happiest hours of my life were spent with a friend with advanced Parkinson's dementia, sitting on his porch with him, both of us reading. And he read the same few pages over and over and it was okay.

[kinopio-writes]

Hi! Would you be willing to write something for Adam with a sensitive reader?

Everyone knows that he is loud-mouthed jerk, even reader, and she loves him regardless, but one day he crosses the line and says something particularly mean that makes her cry. Like REAL mean. To the point that he pauses because he did not think before speaking (or, well, less than usual lol)

I'm happy with whatever format you feel like using! Thank you!

A/N: I will be more than delighted to write that for you. But would you excuse me for a moment? AHHHHHHDISJDIOEOFJSKXJND—I’m sorry; I love this idea so much. Reading ‘Adam with a sensitive reader’ got me hooked instantly. But I’ll go over that in the headcanons, along with the general stuff. And I’ll add a oneshot at the end that plays the exact scenario of Adam taking it too far.

Holy sh!t. I made it so that the reader being sensitive is their greatest but also weakest point and it turned out pretty angsty. Has a bit of hurt/comfort, though. Did I go overboard? Maybe. That’s why it took so long. Sorry, anon.

Words: 2,328 (edited)

Warnings: Sex is mentioned (only a bit, surprisingly), Angst, Adam being Adam

———

Adam w/ a Sensitive!Reader

• ha, this man is also sensitive himself

• well, sensitive about himself

• he feels his own emotions strongly, so he’s not the caring, easily able to pick up on other’s feelings and empathize type of sensitive

• you, on the other hand, are on the opposite end of the spectrum compared to Adam

• so you experience other people’s emotions just as strongly as yours

• you easily know what makes someone tick

• you’re selfless

• you’re able to admit your mistakes and apologize

• you’re respectful and actively listen to people when they talk about themselves

• you don’t push people down to make yourself seem better

• you try to make everyone feel good and comfortable

• you’re everything he isn’t

• because you fit in Heaven perfectly

• you deserve to be there

• and Adam knows that he doesn’t belong (subconsciously at least)

• you’re able to draw people in just for being yourself

• and he’s envious of it

• so he demeans you and is snarky about everything you do, and every time people give you praise or affection, he tries to divert the attention to himself or just stares at you with utter hatred from afar

• although all of that is just when he hasn’t even had a conversation with you

• after a while of being around you, he’ll cling to you because you give him the reassurance and validation he oh-so craves (he acts as if he didn’t hate you before. What do you mean? You two were always buddy-buddy!)

• you acknowledge all of the things he puts his worth to

• heck, you hang out with him—you sometimes even initiate it—willingly, and you’re genuinely interested in everything he has to say

• but he‘ll only hang out with you where no one recognizes you (so you don’t get all the attention)

• terrible transition here, but he notices that you mimic people’s expressions often

• he definitely makes fun of you for it

• and also mocks you

• up until he realizes that you do the same thing to him, too

• which is fine and all, if only you didn’t do that when he’s upset

• well, you mimic him when he’s joyous as well, but he (already subconsciously) expects you to. I mean, why wouldn’t you? He’s fucking hilarious!

• so you copying his negative emotions just stands out more

• and he…doesn’t like it

• that’s only really what he doesn’t like about you

• and the fact that you hog all the attention

• and the fact that people see you as perfect…

• buuut what happens when he gets to see a new side of you that isn’t exactly upholding that image?

———

Your phone lit up from your bedside table, brightening your otherwise dark room along with the soft glow of your halo. You only moved your eyes to the light, not wanting your tears to spill and dampen your pillows.

You had an inkling as to who was texting you this late—if the fact that your phone lighting up several times in the span of 5 minutes had anything to say.

When the texts stopped pouring in after a few seconds, you heavily sighed, wings ruffling. You resisted the urge to rub your face as you went to grab your phone.

HEY (2:34) HEY (2:34) HEY (2:34) ARE YOU UP? (2:35) I’M BORED (2:35) GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE (2:36) IF YOU’RE UP (2:37) ARE YOU? (2:38) DID I TELL YOU THAT BITCH WITH THE HUGE TITS GOT FIRED TODAY? (2:39)

Figured. Of course, it was Adam. He was the only person you knew who’d be awake at this ungodly hour. And the only person you knew who’d disturb your peace if it meant curing anything that ailed him. Which was now about boredom, it seemed.

You read a few of his texts displayed on your lock screen before tapping one of the notifications and opening the app, scanning the rest of the unread messages.

Adam was going on about ‘that bitch with the huge tits’—her name was Tiffany, you were sure—and how she was rumored to have slept with an archangel to assume higher authority. He also went on to complain about how he didn’t have the chance to bed her anymore since she was basically deemed an outcast and that he couldn’t be seen with someone like her.

You frowned, not believing any of it, but you didn’t have time to think about it enough when he began typing again.

SO YOU’RE AWAKE (2:43)

You barely finished reading the new message when another one popped up.

DON’T IGNORE ME BITCH (2:43)

You frowned deeper, quick to type out a reply.

i’m not (2:43) i was just reading your texts (2:43) don’t worry (2:43) i’ll be there soon (2:44)

When he stopped typing, you placed your phone back on the nightstand, sitting up on your bed as you carefully wiped away your teary eyes. You hugged yourself for a moment, wings functioning as a cocoon while a hand tugged on your hair.

Today had been draining—both mentally and emotionally. Just like the day before, and the day before that. But you didn’t want to think about it, lest you start to cry some more and smear your face with tears this time. What mattered was that everyone was back on their feet again.

Since you didn’t bother changing into your sleepwear when you got home, you only checked your face in the mirror to see if your eyes were puffy or not. You then took in deep breaths, holding up your drooping wings before putting up a charming smile.

You couldn’t stay in the bathroom for long, quickly leaving to tread the path to Adam’s.

•••

“BOO!” Adam’s masked face suddenly peeked from the corner of his hallway, earning an indescribable scream from you as you jerked back. He burst out laughing, brows creased in confusion but also amusement. He couldn’t even make fun of you for getting scared. “What the—what the fuck was that scream?”

Recovering rather quickly as you blinked, you only smiled at him. You were expecting him to wait for you on his couch as his front door was left unlocked, but you weren’t complaining; his action took away any drowsiness you just had.

When Adam didn’t hear you laugh with him, his laughter subsided as he opened his eyes to look at your face. He raised his brows and placed the back of his hands on his hips. “What’s up with you?”

Shit. There was no way Adam was seeing through you.

“Nothing; I just love hearing you laugh.” You heard a tiny squeak in response. “Anyway, what did you make me come over for? Surely not just to scare me.” You moved past Adam and tightly crossed your arms, entering his spacious living room.

“Pshh, fuck no. You’re so easy to spook. Though that was a first. Didn’t know you could hit high notes, (Name).”

You didn’t know what to say to his…compliment? And sort of insult? Was it really either of them? Should you thank him? But in a sarcastic way? No, you weren’t known for being sarcastic, so he might think you were being genuine and look at you weirdly. And it would also seem highly egotistical.

Not as if Adam had much to say about that…

You tugged at your hair when you caught yourself with those thoughts. Shit, that’s so rude! You can’t think that! You shouldn’t think that!

You settled on an awkward chuckle, making yourself appear smaller as you averted your eyes to his TV space.

It was different, certainly. The modular couch pieces were rearranged into a pit sectional. And it looked as though he had chucked a bunch of pillows and one large blanket as an afterthought. It appeared messy, but at least it looked cozy.

“What’s this?”

“Hm? Oh, well, since you were taking your sweet ass time coming here, I thought to switch things up a bit.” You flinched when his head appeared right on your shoulder. “What’d ya think?”

“It looks super comfy.” Adam wore a goofy grin behind you as you walked closer to the area and noticed that he already prepared snacks on the low table. “Is this a way to say you wanna do a movie marathon?”

“You know it, baby.” He flew past you and landed on the sofa, patting the space beside him with a smile you just couldn’t reject.

•••

Heaven’s natural light beginning to peek through the open windows indicated that it was already dawn. Thank goodness you didn’t have work today.

You two—or rather, Adam—had settled on watching the film series, Die Hard. Every single one. You didn’t mind, but you didn’t understand why Adam invited you over if you two were just going to rewatch the film series for the eighth time.

He had also been pretty immersed in the large screen in front of him, so he hadn’t attempted to converse with you ever since the first movie started. In all honesty, he could have just watched them all by himself.

But you didn’t question it. This time was the same as the last seven, after all. You always concluded that maybe he just wanted someone to watch movies with, no talking necessary. Even if the no-talking part sounded a bit out of character.

Was it though? Because he did that quite often. For instance, he constantly brought you along to whatever mundane errands he had to do during the weekdays and never really talked with you unless he found something cool and pointed it out.

Although, the earlier times you tagged along with him on his errands, he kept yapping his mouth off about the ‘totally awesome’ things he does. He talked about music, his own albums, his band, women, sex, and himself as the first-ever man.

As time went on, however, the talking was replaced with silence. You wondered if he just ran out of things to say or if he found it unnecessary to talk anymore.

You also sometimes wondered what was going through his head when he thought you didn’t see him glancing at you while he was doing something he believed was boring.

The sound of Adam’s stomach rumbling broke you out of your train of thought.

You both looked at each other blankly as if either of you were to blame.

He blinked to break the eye contact between you. “(Name), I’m hungry.”

You snorted, facing ahead. “You ate all of our snacks before the first movie even finished.”

“Don’t blame me.” He hugged the pillow he held tighter. “I’m still fuckin’ hungry, though.”

You hummed as you reached for your pocket. “Do you want me to—oh. I…I forgot my phone.” You frowned. You never forget to bring your belongings.

Adam merely stared at you, unblinking.

You averted your eyes and held your legs tighter. “Uhm, We could get delivery if you want. Can you lend me your phone?”

“Oh, yeah, sure.” He casually tossed you the device before laying on his back and looking up at you. “I’m down for anything.”

His phone hit your knee before you could catch it, silently landing on the cushions. “Are you sure?” You picked it up, opened his unlocked phone, and stared at his basic home screen.

He didn’t really use his phone that often to know that it could be changed. He only really used it to fetch one-night stands or occasional dates, text, play music aloud, look at outdated memes, take random blurry photos, and right now, order delivery.

“Totally.” His crow’s feet displayed on his mask as he puffed out his cheeks.

“Because last time you said that, you didn’t like what I had to pick.”

“That’s because the 5 ʼn 2 is so fucking overrated!” he suddenly started to complain. Your wings ruffled. “Jeez, I swear, every fuckin’ time I take a chick out and ask her what her favorite eatery is, basic bitches always go, ‘Oh, bREaD & fIsH, ceRTAinLy’ or ‘bReAD & FiSh’S a cLAsSIC’” He used his hand as a puppet to imitate their words before waving it. “Like, helloooo? Can’t you see the joint that’s literally on the other side of the street’s a hundred times superior? It’s cheaper, too, unlike Bread & Fish. Overpriced ass. You get me, right—?”

“Then you pick!” Adam jumped at your volume, and your eyes widened upon noticing yourself. You quickly gave back his phone as you turned your face away from him, and he slowly took it with a weird look.

“Shit, chill, (Name). The fuck’s up your ass?” He kept his gaze on you before turning to his phone.

While he was serious about his opinions of your bland tastes, he didn’t think it was that personal. Your preferences were the same as everyone else and that was boring. He was just being honest. And you usually didn’t take the things he said that seriously.

“Adam, I’m sorry,” you spoke up after a moment of silence and ran a hand through your hair. “I didn’t mean to yell at you.”

“ʼs not a problem.” He was still a bit weirded out, but he was willing to shrug it off.

You insisted, however, “I mean it. I’m not mad at you.”

“Okay…?” he muttered when he saw a notification pop up from Lute. Her message consisted of how some of the exterminators got into a quarrel during roll call and the ones involved got injured in the process. She said she was going to discipline them.

Adam did not want to know what she meant by that and was most likely not going to stop by their place today.

“Really. I’m not. Sorry. It’s just that yesterday’s been…”

“Uh-huh…” At this point, Adam was not listening to anything you were saying. But when he still heard the static noise that was your words, he groaned. “Look, sweetie, I really don’t give a fuckin’ shit about your fuckin’ apology, ʼkay? I don’t fuckin’ care. Now what do you want?”

You saw Adam’s confused yet concerned expression after he looked up from his phone and immediately noticed that you were starting to cry. You instantly turned your face away as you carefully wiped your eyes.

“Sorry. Sorry. I’m not crying because of you.” You didn’t know if that was true. You didn’t know if you were crying because of his words or were crying because of everything else.

That was the first time he ever used a sweet petname for you in a long time. He only ever used that to demean or mock other people.

Shit. Stop thinking—you were going to cry more. But even after carefully wiping your eyes away, new tears kept flowing. You couldn’t stop. This was humiliating. You wanted to disappear. You didn’t want anyone to witness you in this state. It was mortifying.

“Shit.” Adam’s voice came out panicky as he held his hands out towards you, but he hesitated. Hesitated in what, he didn’t even know.

He…didn’t think you could cry.

Adam didn’t know what to do; this emotional shit wasn’t his thing. He couldn’t ask you to leave, he knew that much, but he didn’t want to leave himself. This was his place. Why should he leave?

So, he did the only thing he could do in this situation.

You suddenly felt something warm envelop you.

You didn’t look up, but you knew it was Adam. You could feel the texture of his robe on your hands and the side of your face. You could feel his hands on your shoulder blade, but you couldn’t quite feel his arms on you.

You stopped wiping your eyes for a moment.

No one had ever hugged you before when you were sad.

No one had ever let you be sad.

Adam heard you sob.

Fucking great. He made it worse. What the fuck was he supposed to do then?

But when he went to unwrap his arms, he felt yours slip around his midsection, pulling him closer than before as he grunted from your firm hold.

So you wanted to be hugged? Alright. Whatever.

Adam slowly hugged you back after you muttered a ‘sorry’ and loosened your grip.

The next seconds were silent, so when he heard muffled words coming from you, he looked down. You also looked up moments later when he didn’t respond, realizing he must’ve not heard you.

Your gaze softened as you two held eye contact, and with teary eyes, you smiled. “Thank you, Adam.”

Something about his expression changed, but before you could stare any longer, you felt a hand behind your head push you back to his chest as the arm on your back held you tight.

“Yeah, whatever…”

[bruh-myguy-what]

Lovestruck

Pairing: Tech x Fem!Reader Requested by: @baddest-batchers Warnings: Massive fluff, I think I actually cried writing this?, I've not been handling the season finale well because I miss Tech a considerable amount, pining for reader from Tech's perspective, a lot of adorable emotions from our usually pragmatic boy Word Count: 2K Summary: While fixing the Marauder with you, Tech reflects on his feelings and he's completely enamored by you. A/N: I'm not handling Tech's death well. Whether it's his death or his just being CX-2, I don't really care, I miss him so desperately and this fic healed so many parts of my heart even though I actually wept while writing. I love that you requested this, friend! I hope it's exactly what you were looking for (or at least close!) and I absolutely agree, this was indeed a Tech prompt. All of these requests have been so wonderful and I cannot express how much it means that people like my writing enough to send in requests! Thanks guys!

Requests are open if you have anything you'd like to send in!

__________________________________________

It was an ordinary affair for you and Tech to work on the repairs for the Marauder simultaneously. There were consistent restorations that needed to be made and things to be updated, so having another experienced individual helped jog said matters along. Though the clone was hesitant at first, after months of rapport building, he was grateful.

Not only was he finding himself appreciative for the extra set of hands, but Tech discovered that he was quite enjoying your company. You were clever, agreeable, and understanding, along with that you seemed to always find his endless wealth of knowledge pleasant. The accurate way you managed the repairs of his ship, first by managing his hesitancy well and then demonstrating consideration for his methods before ever handling something he cared so much about, really surprised him. Your approach to his usually off-putting demeanor was a welcomed change in his life and the way you subtly encouraged him appeared to warm his heart in a way he hadn't previously encountered.

He'd found that his eyes lingered on you from afar longer than he realized, only noticing that he'd been staring when you'd look over and smile at him sweetly. The light in your eyes, whenever you'd smile at him, twinkled so effortlessly, almost as if there had been stars placed directly behind them solely to enchant him.

It was as if you were another creature entirely, one he'd never analyzed, one he knew nothing about- because everything you did fascinated him. All the ways in which you carried yourself, laughed with his brothers, tended to Omega, your wit, the charm you retained...it all was remarkable to him. He began to notice himself craving your attention. Tech dreamed of you laughing for him, smiling at him, every moment he was awake you invaded his thoughts.

So to have you crouched down beneath the hull of the Marauder, handing him parts and tools for repairs made him impossibly delighted. This was a life he could get used to, for a long time. The ability to bond with you- and only you- in this way for the rest of his short life, he would fight for it, no matter the threat. If this was what life could be for him after he and his brothers no longer needed to fight, he would be far and beyond content. He'd feel whole.

"The spanner now, please," Tech's smooth tone echoed back to him from off the metal hull.

Taking a moment to grab the tool, you placed it squarely in his hand, "Of course." Your voice was sweet as ever to his ears, the sensation of your fingers grazing his gloved palm sending tides of bliss to his heart. How he desired to remove his gloves to truly discern how your hand might feel in his. Odd thought, he knew, though nevertheless one he often had run through his mind. Other equivalent ones situated themselves among his standard reflections; such as how your cheeks might feel cradled in his palm, or how your eyes might sparkle even more at his displays of affection toward you.

These introspective ideas were not ones he had been programmed with, he understood that very well, but then again wasn't that the whole point of him and his brothers? They weren't droids. Even with protocol and planned executions, wasn't the beautiful part of having your own identity the potential for...emotion? Sentiments?

Love?

The brilliant clone pondered these notions for many hours during hyperspace travels, staring endlessly into the streaking atmosphere while everyone else lay in their bunks asleep. Upon his further analysis and pensive state, he conceded that he did, indeed, love you. Even though he expected it to never be possible, for him anyhow, it clearly was. And there it was, staring up at him with stunning eyes and an adorable smile- all wrapped up in one woman who waited for further instruction to aid his work.

"Whatcha smiling at, silly?" A giggle brought him out of his reverie and he cleared his throat, handing the spanner back to you while muttering a quick 'my apologies'. "It's no big deal, you know I don't mind," another soft chuckle at his sudden behavior change. "Just curious what has you in such a good mood lately. You never smile this much- not that I'm complaining, of course. You look happy and I like that, it suits you." The smile he watched spread across your lips brightened your eyes so preciously that Tech felt as if his heart were going to lock up. You were absolutely breathtaking in the setting sunlight, the warm glow radiating your beauty.

It wasn't too long after your comment that he acknowledged he'd been staring once again. Tech blinked a few times, regaining his composure- sure to remember the planet's rotation cycle so he could bring you out into the setting sun one more time before leaving so he could truly memorize the way you looked in such a spectacular site. "I suppose it would be an alarming circumstance to see my sudden change in attitude if you are accustomed to my rather pragmatic and steadfast manner." He spoke slowly, trying to gauge his words carefully, looking back up at the repairs he was currently working on.

To say he was usually practical was an understatement and even he knew that, but he continued nevertheless- "Screwdriver, please."

A quick hum in reply from you and the tool was now in his hand, his heart buzzing at your lingering touch, making certain he had hold of the screwdriver before pulling away. "Though," Tech found himself speaking before he realized, hesitating after the word left his mouth.

Should he continue? Would you be uneasy at any admission of his affection, or even just simple favor, toward you?

He found himself suddenly apprehensive at the possibility that he could ruin the favorable conditions he'd found for himself with you. But with your reassuring voice, you spoke his worrying thoughts away, "though, what? Got too many thoughts running around that extraordinary mind of yours to just pick one?" The pleasantness in your prodding had a warm smile of his own spreading across his lips now while he worked against a stubborn bolt.

"Only a few at this very moment, so it would appear, mesh'la." Tech's reply was soft, soft enough that he thought only he'd heard himself until you stood beside him now. He glanced to see your head tilted with ever lovely, inquisitive eyes prompting him to continue his outspoken thought. Realigning his eyes to the bolt, Tech licked his lips anxiously, "Ah, I must have spoken aloud without realizing." He clarified softly, a burning sensation rising to his cheeks.

"Well now you gotta continue," you teased with a smile, "It's not every day that your genius mind only has a few thoughts in it to speak of."

Tech knew he was skating near a precarious edge, but the more you gazed at him expectantly, the less he cared and only desired for you to continue your total obliteration of his typical sensible behaviors. Taking a deep breath, the enhanced clone steadied himself before expressing, "At present, I have found that my foremost thoughts are exclusively about you. During the maturing of our relationship these last few months, it would seem that less and less of my thoughts are as constructive as they had been prior to our closeness, as troubling as that may sound." At your silence, Tech chanced lowering his arms to stand before you unimpeded by work, attention entirely yours.

The rise of your brows and the slight part in your lips made his heart thud painfully against his chest. Though, he noticed the sparkle in your eyes hadn't dissipated, perhaps he wasn't ruining anything as he thought he had been. "I am mindful that it may come across as peculiar, or eccentric, for me to have said that," Tech began cautiously, calculating your evolving expression. "Nevertheless, it is the truth. I...find you to be the most compelling woman that I have personally had the fortune of knowing. You are quite literally the only part of my life that I find myself frequently enchanted by." As he spoke, Tech found it easier to alleviate himself of the mountain of praises he'd been repeatedly considering when in your presence. He discovered he could continue voicing your worth, just as he could gaze at your beautiful face for an indefinable amount of time if only you'd allow him.

In the face of your silence, Tech cleared his throat once again to calm himself of his growing concern. "Though I'm aware of my capacity to express thoughts without stopping, I must say that your added input on this matter would prevent the inclination of my elevating heart rate."

"Tech..." The way his name left your lips did the contrary of what he had just requested, scrambling his heart rate instead. Tenderness touched the curve of your lips as you stepped forward close to him, directly into the space he usually reserved for only himself until he saw how much more exquisite you were when he had the opportunity to look down at you. This close he could see every mark, every small scar, the way the color of your eyes shifted as they glanced back and forth around his face.

"Stars," he breathed, "you are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, mesh'la..." Tech muttered to himself in wonderment. As if no barrier had ever existed between you, Tech reached out to caress your face, marveling at how you reacted by pressing your cheek further into his touch. "If you were to provide me the honor of showing you my devotion, I would be certain to surpass any expectations you may put forth." Spellbound by the intimacy he'd found himself in with you, Tech longed for more. He yearned to feel the softness of your cheek on his skin, not through his filthy gloves. The way you deserved to be admired was wholly and profoundly, without any impediments. As his eyes danced between yours and the way your smile began to fade, Tech brushed his thumb along your cheek, cursing his GAR regulation blacks. You'd hardly said a word other than the sweet whisper of his name before you approached him, and even if this instance was all he'd ever receive from you, he'd relive the memory a hundred times over. Though he worried he'd said too much again.

Or maybe you were as entranced as he was, presently. "My dear, I don't mean to ruin this moment, however, I-" and before he could finish speaking you'd surged upward toward him, pressing your lips against his.

Astonishment rushed through the normally sharp clone as he felt the weight of your body pressed against his chest plate. After only a moment, though, Tech reacted- refusing to squander his opportunity to kiss you as he had dreamt many times over.

Wrapping his arms around your smaller figure, one hand came to rest between your shoulders and the other cradled your head affectionately, holding you as close as he could possibly have you. The plush of your lips brushed so flawlessly against his as he admired the softness they possessed. Tech knew upon impact that he would never tire of this, of the ability to hold you as he was, nor his newfound gift to kiss you.

You pulled away all too soon for his liking, the sigh escaping his lips sounding as pathetic to him as he was sure it sounded to you. Your smile was even more gorgeous than he'd seen it yet, though he was sure it was due to the recent discovery of just how incredible your smile tasted against his lips. Tech debated whether he should move at all for fear of you slipping away even sooner, but relented to adjust his goggles, matching your smile. "I believe that is a sufficient response to my yet posed question."

With yet another unpredictable act, you cuddled closer into his space, folding your arms in between your chest and his, and tucked your face into his neck. "I'll be happy to answer any others you may have with the same reply, whenever you need, handsome." You replied with a soft laugh.

Encompassing you once again within his embrace, Tech felt his cheeks warming, noting how the sun had disappeared beneath the horizon and he knew couldn't blame that for his reddened face. His breathy chuckle rumbled against his chest plate, "I shall keep that at the forefront of my thoughts."

[aprilthearcher]

me and you... were meant to be.

[remus lupin x f!reader] [platonic james potter x f!reader]

slytherin!reader (because i myself am one). use of (y/n) (though i tried my best to not overuse it)

angst, but happy ending. remus' insecurities get in the way of your fresh relationship. 3k words.

i haven't written for remus for a long, long time so i tried to do my best because i love him to pieces and recently i've been experiencing a remus lupin era so... here it is. also, that spell she uses to protect her home... i've no idea if it exists, i just liked it.

english is not my first language, so there could be some mistakes. pictures are not mine.

thank you for reading!

i wrote this while listening to "Don't Delete the Kisses" by Wolf Alice and "What if I Love You" by Gatlin.

“What if you and I… What if we were never meant to be?”

“What are you saying, Remus?”

“I'm saying that I don't think we… I don't think it’s good for us to keep seeing each other.”

“But, but why? We are so good right now, we… I’m trying here, Remus, but I don't get it. Why would you do this?”

“I've just told you, we are not meant for each other. You… you des…” He stopped mid sentence. “I don't see you like that anymore, I'm sorry if I made you think otherwise.”

Now, on top of a bus that would drop her off a couple of blocks from her flat, she couldn’t recall a single moment in their short relationship that could’ve propelled something like this. They were good, really good. After dancing around each other for so long during their Hogwarts years, they had finally admitted their feelings one summer afternoon while looking at the sun go down and the moon rise up. Four months later, he was ending it. Salazar, could he have been high? She knew sometimes the boys would smoke those muggle herbs Marlene would bring them, overcharging them of course, but he had never said something so… heartbreaking under their influence. No, he couldn’t have been high, he would become even touchier when he’d smoke some, ignoring his friend’s presence and delighting in the passionate, even primal, effect they’d produce; the lightheaded feeling that allowed him to relax and run his fingers through her arms, her hands, her neck and jaw…

She pressed the palm of her hands against her eyes when they started to water for the fifth time that evening after leaving Dorcas’ apartment complex. Was he so desperate to get rid of her that he couldn’t even wait to do it at home? What would her great-grandmother think of her if she saw her like this? “Crying over a half-blood, a HALF-BREED, you are nothing but a blood traitor. You’ve tainted our legacy, you and your good-for-nothing parents, you are no more worthy than those mudbloods you hang round, affiliating yourself with muggles, living a life surrounded by them." Why did she keep caring about what she would think? She had never shared her views on blood purity and how any wizard or witch that wasn’t part of the Sacred Families would be undeserving of its magic. She hated people like her grandmother. She hated that the old hag had tried to drill these thoughts into her head since a very young age. She was glad she had died and she was glad her parents were nothing like their parents, so why was she remembering her now? Perhaps it was the fear of losing her entire friend group that made her sick mind resort to conjuring the old witch’s voice in her head.

She truly hoped for her great grandmother to be rolling in her grave at the sight of one of her descendants crying over a werewolf and the possibility of losing her entire friend group made up of blood traitors, half-bloods, and muggleborns. 

She knew they weren’t like that, that they wouldn’t isolate her for something like this. Merlin, they didn’t even know, at least until tonight, of their relationship! Though she was sure it wouldn’t take long for them to figure it out after how she had left in such an abrupt manner, without saying goodbye and barely making it to the door without the tears falling down her cheeks. She had left the task of explaining everything to Remus. 

“Lady, this is the last stop!” The bus driver called out from the front of the vehicle.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Fuck Remus Lupin for breaking her heart, for making her cry and making her miss her bus stop. Fuck him for making her feel so in love she left her guard down, fuck him for assuring her that he could trust him. 

Although she had planned to take the muggle bus to get her mind off things and not get home immediately — for she was sure her lonely flat would make her feel worse, for she was sure there was one of Remus’ sweater idle placed on the back of an armchair she was hoping to return tonight after he’d accompanied her home —, she had not anticipated missing her stop and having to walk ten or so blocks home. It was not that she felt unsafe wandering through London this late, but she just felt emotionally exhausted.

She almost jogged all the way home, not wanting to encounter any trouble on her way home for she was not in the right state of mind for fighting anyone, muggle or not. Though, perhaps, the rush of adrenaline that would come from a brawl would bring her back to life, a little at least. 

She’d taken two steps into the hallway when she saw the light coming from her flat. Stopping on her tracks, she got her wand out of her leather holster strapped in her left shoulder and approached her door. Good thing she had opted to climb the stairs instead of apparating inside; if she were to be ambushed, she wouldn’t have had any time to prepare. 

With the whisper of an incantation the door opened slowly. For a moment, she forgot about Remus and the only thing on her mind was to find out who was inside her home. Her mind was reeling with ideas. Death eaters. 

Death eaters. Death eaters. Death eaters.

But how? She had secured the place with some, if not all, of the best protective spells. Dorcas had helped her set them up. The locks were unbreachable, as well as the magical barriers protecting the walls from all sides, there were only two people that could apparate inside, her and…

“Prongs?”

She had chosen James as the only other person to be able to apparate inside her home. The spell was infallible and it had taken them several months of hard work, but it was worth it since not even someone who had induced the polyjuice potion, impersonating James, could get in. 

She saw him pacing round her living room, his fingers twirling his wand in the air, a trick she had seen muggle musicians do when playing the drums. He stopped once he saw her, quickly coming to wrap one arm around her frame while the other pushed the door closed. The hiss of the invisible sigils increased for a second.

“I thought something had happened to you on the way home, you took so long. Why did you take so long? I was worried sick.”

“Merlin, James, the baby is making you act just like your mother.”

“Shut up, I was genuinely worried. Was about to go searching for you.”

“I took the bus but missed my stop, so I had to walk.”

He nodded, relaxing a bit now that he saw his best friend was okay. Physically, at least. Her emotions were still all over the place, her heart had calmed down and decided to break again after realising there were no intruders in her home. 

“What happened back then, dove? With Remus? You, you just run away.”

“I think you know what happened, James.” She said, while hanging her coat in the rack and taking out her boots. She knew he knew, he wouldn’t have left Dorcas’ flat without an explanation from Remus after seeing her so distressed.

James sighed. Even though her own feelings were messed up, she could still realise this was a difficult position for James, and the rest of them, to be in. (Y/N) and James had been friends since they were young, younger than now at least, knowing each other because their parents introduced them the summer before beginning their third year at Hogwarts. She was a Slytherin thus making it hard for the boy to trust her, even at that age, but one stern look from his mother Euphemia had the boy overcoming his prejudice against her in a heartbeat. It had been quite impossible to separate them since then, which meant introducing her to the rest of his friends. Sirius had been apprehensive, Peter quite terrified… Remus… Remus had been intrigued, you could say. All of his previous interactions with Slytherins hadn’t been pleasing, but this was the girl he had Transfiguration with, who would raise her hand faster than anyone and answer correctly, getting all the spells right on her first try. This was the girl he had glanced at maybe once — he definitely did more than glance — at the library, carrying way too many books for her on one hand while the other, holding her wand, pointed to the floating pile of heavier tomes behind her. 

Remus is also one of his best friends, the four of them are like brothers. She couldn’t deny she was quite surprised to see James here, attempting to comfort her instead of him.

He still had his arm around her shoulders when they started to walk towards the kitchen. If James intended to stay then she was in dire need of some tea to pass the bad taste the fight had left in her mouth. He would want to hear her side of the story. Turning to light up the room, she saw pints of red covering James’ knuckles. She disengaged from his hug, positioning her body in front of his then grabbed his hand, harshly. She heard him wince. His eyes scrunched and his lips closed in a thin line, she knew. He knew that she knew.

“Did any of his teeth fall out?” She pressed her fingers to his bloodied knuckles.

“No, but… Ow! Would you stop that?” He tried to release his hand from his grasp, she tightened her hold.

“I don’t need you defending me, James.”

“You’re my best friend, of course I’ll…”

“He’s your best friend too!” She yelled. Salazar, she was pathetic. Defending the boy who crushed her heart no more than two hours ago. “I don’t want you fighting my battles for me, James, especially when it’s against one of your friends.”

“I’m sorry, dove, you are like a sister to me. I couldn’t help it.”

“It’s not like he did anything wrong though. He… he is allowed to change his mind. I - I was the one to get too caught up. I shouldn’t have, I shouldn’t have…”

“I didn’t punch him because he ‘changed his mind’, dove. I punched him because he was lying about that.”

“James…”

“No, no, listen. Listen to me.” He grabbed her face, wiping the new set of tears that had begun to cascade down her face. “I know Remus and I know that he loves you, that he’s loved you since you jinxed one of the fourth years after bad mouthing Peter, perhaps even before that. He’s not telling the truth and he’s pushing you away because he’s terrified of how much he loves you. That’s why I hit him, thought it’d make him realise he cannot lose you.”

“Salazar, you really are your mother.” James laughs at your comment, heart soaring with desperation at the new turn of events. He knew something more was going on with Remus and (Y/N) as of the last couple of months because James Potter was observant and this new bond didn’t look like the shy glances they’d throw from across the Hall during their Hogwarts’ years. These were slow, delicate touches; soft smiles and bodies that would look to be close to each other every chance they got. So he wanted nothing more than for his friends to be happy; although he should’ve seen Remus’ self-sabotaging tendencies coming because he knew all of his friends like the back of his hand, he didn’t. He blamed the uprising war for that. He blamed it for everything, from clouding Remus’ judgement more than ever to forcing him and Lily, and consequently the rest of the Order, to be constantly on the lookout for danger. None of them had had a good night’s sleep for months now. 

“You should still apologise, you’ve been friends for years and I…” 

Rapid, loud knocks against her front door interrupted (Y/N). She and James looked at each other, he had a hunch of who it might be but getting his wand at the ready didn’t hurt. (Y/N) had the same idea, she started to move towards the entrance with her arm up, wand always pointing at the door.

“Who is it?” The banging stopped.

“It’s … It’s me, Rem - Remus. I - I.” She could hear him shuffling outside, as if he were moving round the place, jumping from one foot to another; he probably was. “It's really me, I - I got you that black leather holster for your wand as a gift. You bought the rug on your bedroom floor in a flea market last month, you said it reminded you of the one you had back home. Your favourite colour is red and you hated yourself for it because James always joked how you should’ve been in…”

“Gryffindor.” By the time Remus had been at the end of his ranting, she had unlocked the door and opened it all the way, hitting the rag on the way. 

“Yeah, but green always looked better on you.” Remus looked at her face, he could see the trail of black makeup going from her eyes to her chin. She must’ve felt his stare because in a swift movement she got rid of the marks, or at least she tried to. It smudged a bit more than he knew she would’ve preferred. 

“You’ve got blood on your face.” She said.

“I know, I - I tripped down the…” Remus tried to explain while cleaning the blood with the back of his sweater. She could’ve told him she’ll clean it up for him with the touch of a finger. She didn’t.

“You don’t have to cover for him, I know James punched you.”

“Damn right I did.” She heard from inside the flat. James was leaning against the arch that separated the living room from the kitchen, arms crossed over his chest and a look that must’ve frightened Remus because of how he bent his head down and then looked up again, nodding as to show he’d understood his lesson. (Y/N) stared at James with an eyebrow raised, he sighed and then said: “I’m going to get Lily back at Dorcas’. See you, dove.” With a crack in the air, James disappeared.

“What I said, earlier, it - it wasn’t true.” Remus began once they had settled on her velvet green sofa. She had found it on the street, a bit tattered but nothing magic couldn’t repair. “I’m an idiot but I’m just so scared. So frightened that.. that what I - what I am will put a higher target behind your back. I’m a half-breed, a monster, and people like me … No, no let me finish. People like me don’t deserve someone as pure as you so I thought…”

“You thought pushing me away, breaking my heart, would solve any of that?”

“Well, yes! If I’m not putting you in danger during the full moon, then I’m putting you in danger because they - they won’t hesitate to come after you if you are with me.”

“You bloody git. They are after all of us, even if we aren’t together, they’ll still come after me…”

“You don’t know that.”

“What are you saying, Remus? I’m a blood traitor in their eyes, my best friend is a muggleborn. My own great-grandmother would put me on the ground if she could see me right now so don’t try to make me understand you with this bullshit. You may be scared of love, of loving me, but I’m not. I love you and I’ve loved you for so long that I’m not going to give you up, not at times like this. I don’t care that you’re a werewolf, I’ve never cared. And I get that it’s hard for you, that you feel guilty when we try to alleviate your pain, but I’m fucking exhausted that you think I won’t be able to handle it, to handle you and your transformations.” She inched her face closer to his, a hand moving up to cradle his jaw while the other grabbed his hand. “I chose to be with you, knowing full well that it wouldn’t be easy and not because you’re a werewolf but because you are an insufferable arsehole who doesn’t let people in, who is afraid of hurting others while not realising that he’s still hurting them when he pushes them away.”

He didn’t respond, he just leaned further on the touch of her hand. It grounded him. How was he able to think, even for a second, that he would survive without her light-feathered touch, without her hands running through his hair or his arms that would give him goosebumps?

“I thought that you had grown tired of me or that you had never loved me the way I loved you. That you’d thought I wasn’t loyal to the Order, that somehow I would…”

“No, no, no. I’d never, (Y/N), truly, I’d never. I got lost, I- I thought someday you would realise how you had ruined your life by spending it alongside… me. You could do so much better, and yet…”

“I’m sure there are men out there, wizards or not, that are less frightened at the idea of love than you are, Remus. But they’re surely not you, because they’re not as funny, or smart, or witty, or sensible, or great as you. I’d probably get bored of them within the hour and then I’d be lost because you wouldn’t be beside me. The only man I want is you. No one else. You drill that into your head or next time you try to pull a stunt like this I’ll kill you.”

“Got it.” He whispered before leaning in even closer, his lips barely brushing hers. He wanted to be sure she was okay with this; he wanted to be absolutely sure he hadn’t completely messed up their relationship but for that he needed her to confirm it; to accept his apology. She did, sealing their lips desperately, trying to transmit everything she had just said but with a kiss. She had been so terrified that the only way to have him in her life would be through meetings to discuss missions and war plans; that she would never get to touch him, to kiss him, to hold him after a rough full moon again. “You wouldn’t actually kill me, right?” 

“No, but I would tell James to punch ten times harder.”

“Please don’t, he’s got a sick hook.”

“Then you better behave.”

She kissed him again, deeper this time. Their lips moved synchronised, familiar with each other; her hands travelled all the way up to his hair while his circled around her waist, bringing her closer. Chest against chest, with her legs propped up into his lap, they stayed like that for a long time before Remus laid her down on the sofa.

[cynarisgayass]

𓍊𓋼~Maid for eachother~𓋼𓍊

Type: Oneshot

Description: Welp, I already wrote some of this and then Tumblr posted it without my consent so...here's it again. T-T Maid oneshot, cause I can and all that. Smut.

Rating: Explicit

Reader: GN, Afab, Maid, wears a dress

Featuring: Arlecchino

Warnings: Sir/master/pet/dear, biting, knee riding, SMUT

Arlecchino:

"Miss-"

"Sir."

You stood up straighter, feeling heat run through your body and flood your cheeks, a reaction that wasn't common when you normally met masters. "My apologies...sir. Is there anything you need from me?"

"Currently...I suppose you could neaten the files on my desk. Some have fallen to the floor and I simply don't have the need to pick them up myself." She tilted her head, resting it on her hand as she gestures to the stack of papers...right next to her. The ones on the ground mere inches from touching her.

You gave a small nod in agreement and slowly made your way over to her. The air felt stiffer the closer you got and despite not directly looking at her...you could tell she was watching you closely, judging your very existence.

With ease you neatened the stack of files on her desk and kneeled down to fetch the ones on the floor, trying desperately not to make eye contact or touch her. Just as you were about to stand she moved, her sharp nails softly scraping against the bottom of your chin as she made you look up at her.

It felt so intimidating that you almost forgot how to breath, "Sir-"

"Tell me, what exactly are your jobs limitations? What counts as a need hmm?"

You gulped as you thought about your answer. The limitations were pretty much up to you, as a maid your job was simple...please your master. "I believe sir, that as long as I'm assisting in making your life easier and pleasing you to the best of my abilities that my job is being fulfilled...did you have another task for me?"

"Yes, yes I think I do. Could you sit in my lap dear?"

Your eyes widened at her request, even though you knew what this was leading to...it was still surprising to actually hear, but of course you wouldn't deny such a striking master, "Yes sir."

Her hands guided you onto her lap, her nails practically digging into the fabric of your maid attire. She seemed eager for more, "Ah, that's much better. Though I wouldn't mind if you...adjusted...yourself to get more comfortable."

Your heart skipped a beat as she moved her leg beneath you, her knee perfectly flush with your lower regions and your body seemingly under her control. A soft gasp escaped your lips as she moved your hips, helping you start while she watched your reactions. Her eye contact with you never broke, even as you began to rock against her, like she was hypnotized by you.

"What a good little pet you are~"

Moans of ecstasy trickled from your throat as you tried to answer her, stuttering out a rushed "Mnnn y-yes sir" while your wetness coated her pant leg. You let your head fall back and she took the opportunity to lean forward and kiss your collarbones. Her teeth grazed your skin and you went weak with joy as they dug into your partially exposed shoulder.

"Someone's getting worked up, aren't they~"

Her words tickled your ear as she nibbled on it, sending sparks through out you. Your mouth watered and you forced yourself down on her knee roughly, proving her point as you finished with a delightful mewl. Riding out that wonderful feeling while your insides shivered in excitement, yet still you weren't done. "S-sir, is there any-thing else?"

"There's plenty of work to be done~"

Okay ngl, this was supposed to have more people, but I got bored after having to redo the post again...so daddy Arlecchino is what we get. But hey, that's fine right :/

[guilty-pleasures21]

HEYEYYH, How about a Jason with a girlfriend who does massages? But somehow his girl's hands ended up on his thigh muscles, which we all know how that ended *cofcofthecofreadercofprobablycofendedcofupcofdoggycofstylecofoncofthecofcouchcofcof* 🫠

(Unfortunately I'm mexican and I know how to give massages so the idea just came up while I was working JAJAJAKS)

— 🐏

I'm back! I did it! It's a little short, but I hope you enjoy 😊!

The massage

Giving boyfriend Jason a massage when his leg is feeling sore.

Warnings: explicit description of sex (male x female).

---------------------------------------------------------

     X slid her gaze over to her boyfriend as he made his way to the sofa. He tried to hide it, but she noticed the way he favoured his right leg as he walked, his steps uneven because of whatever injury he might have picked up on his mission earlier that day. He sank onto the sofa beside her, a sigh of relief escaping his lips once he was off his feet. 

     “Jay?” X asked, placing a hand on his thigh. “What happened to your leg?” 

     “Ah, nothing,” he reassured her, shifting in position to get himself more comfortable. “It's just a little sore. I'll be fine.” 

     “I’ll massage it for you,” X decided, getting up and gesturing for him to lay down. “Lie down.”

Jason hesitated, still unused to communicating his needs across to her - across to anyone, really, never mind that they’d already been dating for six months. But she never pushed him about it - she’d always been patient with him for as long as they’d known each other, and that was probably why he’d eventually fallen in love with her. Jason pulled his legs up onto the sofa and lay back, settling himself against the cushions as he waited. X grinned and took a seat at the other end, then began gently rubbing his feet. 

     “How was your day?” Jason asked, relaxing at the feeling of her fingers gently coaxing the tension from his muscles. He liked hearing about her work - about the everyday drama that most people would experience throughout their lifetime. Most people aside from him. But at least he got to experience it through her, his clever and sweet girlfriend. She shrugged.

     “It was okay. Not much happened today. Oh!” Her eyes lit up as she remembered some gossip she must have forgotten about. She leaned closer to him, lowering her voice as if someone might overhear them and his chest warmed at the familiar look of delight on her face.

     “The old intern was telling me that that one scary boss lady wants to hold a meeting for the new interns to teach them ‘proper work etiquette’,” she revealed to him, pausing to give him a shocked look. “Isn't that so embarrassing?! She said that, apparently, a lot of people have complained about them already.” X winced at the idea, then spread Jason's legs apart so she could settle herself between them. 

     “What did they do wrong?” Jason asked, curious now to find out more. X shrugged. 

     “I don't know.” She pursed her lips to think about it, her hands ceasing their movements for a moment. “They're a little loud. And I feel like they gossip a lot.” 

     “About who?” 

     “I just helped Dick out with some of Penguin’s goons. Nothing much, just tired.” He knew how much she’d worry about him when he was on a mission, though she’d always try to hide it behind a calm exterior when they were together. She cared about him so much, his sweet little girlfriend, and he always made sure he did his best to reciprocate her efforts. He'd never been very good at expressing his feelings, but he always pushed himself to do better when it came to her: he loved her, after all, and he never wanted her to question that fact.

     “Mostly people at their school.” She resumed her massage, her hands landing on his thighs now. “Do you want to talk about your day?”

He didn't always like going through it - whatever horror he might have had to face that day - so she’d always ask him first, then distract him with stories about her work if he wasn’t ready to talk about it yet. It calmed him down sometimes, knowing that there were other people out there who just continued to mill about their days, even when his felt like it was falling apart. He shook his head, but maintained a relaxed expression, not wanting her to get too worried. 

     “Hmm.” X pushed herself to her knees, her hands moving dangerously close to his centre as she continued to massage the insides of his thighs. “Any plans for tomorrow?” 

     Jason shook his head, trying to ignore the way his core was starting to tighten as she rubbed her thumbs along the joint between his pelvis and his thighs. “No. Anything you want to do? We can go on a date if you're free?” 

     X grinned at the thought. Jason was a lot more romantic than most people would have expected, always planning little surprises for her and gifting her whatever new item she'd been obsessing over for the past week. But she loved just getting to spend time with him; to see the peace grace his rugged features as they went on a picnic or caught a movie or strolled through the park beneath the stars. She inched her hands closer to his centre, delighting in the sight of the rapidly growing tent in his sweatpants. 

     “Uh, wouldn't it be too crowded?” he pointed out, pushing himself a little higher up the sofa so her hands fell back down his thighs. It was a weekend, after all - people would probably bring their kids there and then dump them for a few hours while they went and ran their errands. X shuffled forward, her wicked gaze fixed on his centre as she slid her hands back up his thighs. 

     “Hmm, what should I do with my super hot boyfriend tomorrow?” X wondered aloud, feigning a look of innocence as she looked up at him. “Should we go ice skating?”

F*ck, she was driving him crazy! The way she fluttered her eyelashes up at him as she continued to massage his erogenous zones? Jason shifted in position, his body starting to get more excited as she continued to run her fingers all over him. 

     “Hmm, you're probably right. Should we go for a movie then?” She licked her lips as she snuck her hands beneath his shirt and ran them across his hard abdomen. Then she tugged on the waistband of his sweatpants, pulling it down slightly so that her fingers were tantalising close to his d*ck. 

     “X.” Jason placed a hand over hers, intending to stop her, but he ended up just following her movements as she continued to tease him. 

     “Hmm. Jay?” X sat back finally, her hands resting on the tops of his thighs as she looked up at him. “Do you want me to rub some oil on you or something? Just to warm you up a bit?” 

     Shit. He knew exactly what she was really asking him - exactly what she was planning on doing to him - with that mischievous glint in her eyes as she waited for his response. He swallowed hard, but found himself nodding in agreement to all the dirty thoughts flitting over her sweet face. X grinned and shot out of her seat immediately, rushing over to her room to get the massage oil. Jason sighed at her excitement and covered his face with his hands, already regretting his decision. 

     “I'm back!” X sang as she jumped onto the sofa and started tugging his pants down. Jason chuckled nervously as he pushed himself off of his seat, his body already tightening in response to her eagerness. 

     “Slow down, sweetheart,” he told her gently, lowering himself back down once she'd ripped his pants off and tossed them aside. He watched as she poured some oil onto her palms and rubbed them together before returning her hands to his thighs. And then he was gripping the edge of the sofa, doing his best to control himself as she slid her hands along the sides of his c*ck. F*ck, she was driving him crazy. 

     “X.” X snickered at the tightness in Jason’s voice - at the obvious arousal he was trying so hard to hide from her. She rubbed her thumbs along the insides of his thighs, careful to keep her distance from the one part of him that was throbbing for her touch. 

     God, he looked so hot, his body tightening in response to her teasing, his jaw clenching in frustration at her fake naiveté. She keep her eyes fixed on his face as she finally ran her hands over his c*ck, watching with delight as he closed his eyes and sucked in a breath. 

     “What?” she asked him, her voice dripping with exaggerated innocence. “I’m slowing down, Jace.”

Jason sighed at her response and let his head fall back against the cushions. She loved to tease him like this - to play dumb when she was probably the smartest person he knew - just because she loved how frustrated he’d get by it: his thick brows drawing together, his wide lips twisting down at the ends, his teeth gritting together to accentuate his sharp jawline. She went crazy for it. And he went crazy because of it. 

     “F*ck,” he breathed, his muscles clenching at the feeling of her sliding her hands all over his d*ck. Shit, she was good, her tender touch easing all the tension that had built up in his body. He’d completely forgotten about his sore leg as she’d played with his c*ck, the pleasure of having her fingers running along his shaft casting all other thoughts out of his mind. X curled her fingers around him, fisting his c*ck tightly, and swiped her thumb across his slit, causing his back to arch off the sofa in response. “X …” 

     He was so hot, her boyfriend, and it thrilled her to know that she could get him so aroused: his mossy eyes darkening with lust every time he looked at her, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down as she pumped his c*ck in her fist, his teeth sinking into his lower lip whenever she gave him a tight squeeze. And the sounds he’d make?! Holy shit, the satisfied groans and rumbles and the awestruck curses that would fall from his mouth as she teased and pleasured him?!

     “Jay?” Jason looked up at her, his expression dazed as he grunted in question. X grinned and leaned over him, tilting her head so that her hair brushed along the side of his neck. “Do you mind if I take my clothes off, baby? They’re getting a little oily.” 

     She gave him a little pout and Jason felt his c*ck twitch at the sight. F*ck, she was cute. His eyes fell to her body, to her delicious curves concealed by her pyjamas, and he licked his lips in anticipation. “Take them off, sweetheart.” 

     X felt a shiver run down her spine at the huskiness in his tone; at the pure desire drenching his voice as he looked at her. She grinned and sat back to start taking her clothes off, and Jason ripped his shirt off as well before sinking back into his seat. He watched with delight as his beautiful girlfriend exposed herself to him, her messy hair spilling over her shoulders and brushing over her full breasts. He muttered a curse as she climbed on top of him, her p*ssy already dripping as she settled herself over his d*ck. Then she glided her hands up his torso and continued with her ‘massage’, her fingers kneading his shoulders as her breasts pressed into his chest, her lips centimetres from his. Jason slid his hands around her waist and sucked in a breath when she ground her hips into his, her soft little p*ssy rubbing against his c*ck. F*ck, she was gorgeous, her tumbling curls, her long eyelashes, her rosy lips. 

     “Mmm, f*ck,” he groaned as he ran his hands all over her body, his movements easy thanks to the slippery oil that had transferred to her skin. Her eyelids fluttered shut as he moved his hands to cup her breasts, and he heard a soft gasp escape from her lips when he began circling her nipples with his thumbs. 

     “J-Jason,” she stammered, her p*ssy throbbing pleadingly as he began moving his hips against hers. “I'm … supposed to be … giving you … the massage.” 

     X twisted her head back to look at him in question, confused by the sudden switch in position. But then his c*ck was inside of her, stretching her out and filling her up and all she could do was flop over onto the sofa and sigh with relief. 

     “I know, baby,” Jason reassured her, his hands kneading her breasts gently. “And you're doing such a good job. Such a good massage, baby, such a … F*ck!”

His back arched off the sofa as she wriggled on top of him, squirming at the feeling of his fingers closing around her sensitive flesh. And then he was lifting her off of him and flipping her over, so that she was on her hands and knees in front of him, her legs spread apart and ready for him to enter. 

     “Jason,” she whined, tearing up with frustration at the way he held her back from her orgasm. 

     “Shit, baby,” she heard Jason murmur behind her as he grabbed her thighs. “Gonna … Gonna f*ck you so hard. Gonna reward this … pretty little p*ssy of yours … with a nice massage too.”

She let out a whimper as he began thrusting his hips against hers, his c*ck sliding in and out of her at a torturously slow pace. God, he was so hard already, she didn't know how he could possibly control himself!

     “I know, baby, I know, just …” He sped up his thrusts a little, his c*ck pumping in and out of her easily, slick with a mixture of her cum and the oil she'd spread all over him. He rolled his hips around, causing his bulk to brush up against all her walls, and she groaned at the feeling of his tip prodding at that one spot inside of her. Shit, he felt good. 

     Jason chuckled at the way his sweet little girlfriend's eyes rolled back in her head as he pleasured her with his c*ck, the moans and whimpers falling from her lips driving him crazy. She was so f*cking gorgeous, her slender fingers gripping the cushions, her soft breasts bouncing against the sofa as he drove himself repeatedly into her. And f*ck, her p*ssy? Her tight little p*ssy that welcomed him in so nicely, her warm and wet walls clinging to him desperately and begging him not to let go. F*ck, she felt good. “You like that, sweetheart? You like the way my c*ck is 'massaging' that tight little p*ssy of yours?” 

     X gave a loud moan in response, no longer able to form words, and Jason sped up his movements, his fingers digging into her ass to keep her in place. He felt so good, his thick c*ck stretching out her walls, his hard abs brushing against her ass, his balls pounding against her clit and teasing her to no end. She tightened her grip on the pillow she'd been clutching, her core tightening around his d*ck. Then she came, her body writhing helplessly as she pulsed hard around his c*ck. Jason slowed his movements, his hips stuttering at the feeling of her p*ssy squeezing his d*ck so desperately. Then he fell over the edge too, his warm c*m filling up her cervix as he relieved himself inside of her. 

     They stayed like that for a while after, the both of them panting heavily as they tried to catch their breaths. Then Jason pulled himself out of her, his hands keeping her in place so he could watch his c*m leak back out of her. 

     “Jason,” X breathed, pushing herself to her hands and twisting around to look at him. His eyes were still fixed on her centre, his expression delighted as he watch his c*m dripping from her p*ssy. X let out a soft snicker and turned around to face her boyfriend, sitting back on her knees and gathering her hair behind her shoulders. He was so cute when he was all dazed with lust, his eyes unfocused as he lifted them to her face. She shuffled forward and cupped his cheek in her hand, then leaned towards him to press a quick kiss to his lips. “How's your leg feeling, Jay?” 

     Jason grinned at her, his lips stretched into a stupidly wide smile. “It's feeling better than before, but I think I'm going to need another massage tomorrow night.” 

     “Oh, really?” X raised an eyebrow, then leaned forward again to press another sweet kiss to his lips. “Then I guess I’d better get more oil.”

[torukmaktoskxawng]

tsamsiyu ta'em - calm before the storm

Masterlist - part seventeen

Summary: Just as the chapter's title suggests. It was the calm before the storm…

Pairing: Ronal/Tonowari/Original Female Character

Tag: #tsamsiyu ta'em fic

posted on ao3

Word Count: 11k+

Warnings: Fluff! Some awkwardness that happens after one makes a confession lol. Trauma regarding torture, loss of a child, body dysmorphia, etc. There's a plot twist at the end of this chapter ;)

Taglist (bold indicates "could not tag"): @motheroffae @undeniableadrenaline @mooniequeen @shit-i-say-shit-i-think @heart-an0n @amiets2 @slutforsmut4ever @yeosxxx​ @im-in-a-pansexual-panik @sucker4angstt @inolaphoenix @ilovechickenwings @tojisleftarm @andyfromku @ivysully @lightandshadow31 @jamie-poopoo @brittney69 @avatar-lover @ikeyniofthetayrangi @cardi-bre91

A/n: Hiii 🥰 I'm very sorry for the hiatus that I originally promised wasn't going to be a hiatus. To escape life, I dove into other fixations such as Destiny 2, the Fallout show, Dune Part 2, and Bridgerton... yeah, I did some bouncing. So far, my summer has been fantastic! Anyway, here's another chapter before I inevitably disappear again 😂

Enjoy!

If there was anything Kayla was extremely grateful for, it was that Spider didn't have a heightened sense of smell as the Na'vi did.    

She could smell both Ronal and Tonowari on her skin, and while it internally delighted her, she felt her skin prickle at the thought of Spider of all people being traumatized and learning about her very recent courting by smell alone as they share close quarters with one another. The thought mortified her more than anything, more than the idea of eventually having to tell Jake.

Thankfully, Spider returned home that day none the wiser, Ronal and Tonowari already long gone even with their scents still lingering in Kayla's nose. She felt like a teenager again, embarrassed and trying to hide it from her parents. However, she quickly stomped down that thought at the harsh reminder that she's a grown-ass woman and Spider wasn't a very judgemental kid. He was also someone who had caught onto Ronal and Tonowari's interest in Kayla early on and wouldn't be surprised if he learned the truth. 

With that in mind, Kayla emerged from her kelku the next morning wearing the new top the Metkayina clan leaders had gifted her. For a very brief moment, she felt exposed and uncomfortable, the woven beads cool against her skin, but then, she looked down at herself and felt her body relax to see that the top covered just about as much as her threadbare red shirt did. It wasn't even close to revealing as some of the tops Kayla had seen Na'vi women wear, even with the low cut. A small part in the back of Kayla's head felt delighted to realize that this top was definitely made for her.

She still wore her shorts, but the small change in attire was still noticeable as she quickly learned. Na'vi eyes silently observed her as she walked through the village, and even though she heard the Metkayina whisper as she passed them, they weren't hateful or disgusted, but more in awe. Her skin crawled because she didn't know if she preferred it or would much rather have them feel indifferent to her again. 

While their eyes all noticed her top, Kayla almost felt the need to throw her shirt back over herself at the thought that the Metkayina might also smell her new scent as well. It would explain the way their noses would twitch and their ears all perk up and turn in her direction when they haven't even noticed her presence yet. 

If Spider noticed any of it, he didn't say a word, instead, he informed Kayla that he would be deep-diving with the other reef boys that afternoon. Something crawled in her stomach at the reminder of Ao'nung and other reef boys leaving Lo'ak alone outside the reef before she sternly told Spider to make sure either Lo'ak or Tsireya was with them. Apart from the small, suspicious stare, Spider didn't question her, taking his new bow in hand and heading out to meet his friends, waving back to Kayla as he went and promising to be back before supper.

Walking along the beach, Kayla recognized the tsahik from a mile away, fingers entangled in a worn fishing net. As Kayla walked over to the other woman, she watched the way Ronal's ears lifted and moved in her direction. Ronal looked up from her work and recognized Kayla from a distance, and by the time the dreamwalker approached her, it wasn't hard to deduce how pleased she looked, eyes dancing approvingly over the avatar woman's figure, reaching a hand out to lightly adjust the top on Kayla before nodding once with confidence,

"It suits you perfectly. I was afraid it would not be able to hold up against your beauty."

Despite having a young Na'vi body, Kayla felt as though her heart was ready to give out, her feet barely catching when she initially stumbled in reaction to Ronal's compliment. Kayla's eyes quickly averted, the tip of her ears feeling warm as she quietly thanked the tsahik and changed the subject, making plans to see both her and Tonowari later. After making a brief conversation as to what each other's plans were for the day, Kayla had turned to leave but nearly jolted out of her skin when she felt a gentle tug on her tail. She couldn't help the feigned glare she threw back at Ronal, internally delighted by the rare mischief she saw in the Metkayina woman's eyes, but trying not to show it. Kayla's fake irritation only appeared to amuse Ronal forward, the tsahik tilting her head at the avatar while appreciatively staring her up and down once more, forcing the heat from Kayla's ears to travel down her neck. 

The avatar cleared her throat and then finally departed, hiding her own smile as she thought back to Ronal's well-hidden playful behavior. It was nothing like the woman who sharply tugged Kayla's tail the day they first met, further showing just how much things have changed around here.

Summoning an ilu, Kayla makes her way through the reef, reaching the atoll wall where all the various pools travel up one side like stairs, catching various sealife whenever the tide rises up and down. Dozens of Metkayina are fishing and gathering in these pools, with nets, and baskets at their feet. Kayla zeros in on one particular Na'vi and swims over after letting her ilu take off, climbing up onto the slippery wall to make her way over to her friend.

Rutxa looks up and appears smug at the sight of Kayla, blue eyes pointedly narrowed on the avatar's new top while dramatically sniffing the air, "You look... enamored. Had a good evening?"

Kayla's eyes narrow, "Don't play dumb. I bet you're just dying to weave a story about it."

Their grin remained playful, humming dramatically as if deep in thought, "Perhaps if you tell me all about it, I won't have to... fabricate any details."

Kayla lets out a humorous scoff, shaking her head, "You're horrible."

"Yes, that was what my mother called me. Don't abuse it."

The laugh that bubbles out of Kayla coincides with the screech of an approaching ikran. The sound makes Kayla pause and look up to the sky in order to discover which ikran. She only had to briefly catch the color to know the banshee was Neytiri's bonded, and a small wedge of dread made its home in Kayla's chest.

Neytiri lands her ikran gracefully, several yards away from any Metkayina as they go about the pools of the atoll wall. The Na'vi woman looks around before her eyes land on her intended target. Kayla half expected her sister-in-law to bristle at the sight of her, but she felt a small bit of genuine confusion when all she saw was a woman who was trying to appear small and guarded. If Kayla wanted to verbally taunt, she would've pointed out to Neytiri that she almost looked guilty. The two women stare at each other for some time before Neytiri takes a deep breath and starts slowly walking forward, her face pinched with dread at the idea of the long-awaited conversation she was no doubt forcing herself to partake in.

Kayla takes her own deep breath and then motions Rutxa to wait here before drifting over to meet Neytiri halfway. While it felt as though they walked forever to reach each other, both women found themselves standing right in front of one another only seconds later, neither saying a word while their eyes never fully meeting, both hesitant to say anything at first due to their ongoing impasse. 

Neytiri looks Kayla up and down before she swallows her pride, both visibly and internally as she opens her mouth, "Your clothes. They are lovely."

The Sully sister's eyes dart off to the side, her words are stiff but courteous, "Thank you."

"Did the tsahik make it?"

The mention of Ronal made Kayla's ears twitch, "What gave it away?"

"It would explain why she asked me about making a bow for Spider. And--" she takes a small whiff of the air around her mate's sister, "You smell like her. Tonowari, too."

"... I see. Don't tell Jake."

She raised a hairless brow at the other woman, "I will not need to. He will smell it."

Kayla pointedly doesn't blink, finally staring directly into Neytiri's eyes with a stern expression, "Which is why I am avoiding him at the moment."

Neytiri quietly observes Kayla, yellow eyes piercing into one another's gaze, trying to sniff out each other's thoughts. The Omatikaya woman is wracked with bafflement. It is a beautiful thing for one to finally find their mate, or, in this case, mates. It should never be something to be ashamed of, as newly mated pairs often run to their families to excitedly share the news. The fact that Kayla would rather hide and avoid Jake baffles Neytiri. She wanted to hiss and scold both of the former sawtute for what was clearly a spat between siblings, along with a dash of pride, but at this time and place, she knew Kayla wouldn't accept nor appreciate her scolding. 

Still, it bothered the Na'vi woman. Neytiri knew the two siblings had a lot of conflict between them, but to go as far as to not share such wonderful news with each other? Neytiri would give anything to be in Kayla's position. She would've given anything to be able to excitedly share life updates with her own sister once more. Sylwanin used to love hearing how Neytiri's day went before bed, even though Neytiri wasn't in turn thrilled to hear about what her sister and Tsu'tey would get up to in the woods. Then again, Neytiri was the only person her sister trusted with that information, and it shattered Neytiri's heart to think how she had taken that for granted. She will never make that same mistake again, and any secrets Sylwanin entrusted to her will die with Neytiri.

Hence why she couldn't bring herself to deny Kayla when the other woman was clearly trying to tell her not to share her secrets with Jake. Neytiri exhaled through her nose and nodded in defeat, "I will not breathe a word." 

Kayla stiffly nodded and briefly looked away, peering over her shoulder to see if Rutxa was still waiting for her. Neytiri's conflict was easily undetected, watching Kayla when the avatar wasn't looking with a pained expression in her eyes. Everything that had come between the two women lately was pounding against Neytiri's skull, begging her to say something, to make things right, to finally confess her sins out loud. It has been plaguing her ever since the boy-- ever since Spider confronted her about her distaste and mistreatment toward him. Ever since he made her stand in the eyes of her inner demons, her hidden thoughts no longer feel as hidden as they used to be and she's been struggling to accept everything he said was true. 

'Denial is a river in Egypt.' It's a phrase she's not familiar with, but it's something she remembered Grace used to say when Neytiri was a child. When the scientist explained what it meant, somehow it threaded its way into Neytiri's head, and she had yet to forget about it. No one could deny Neytiri's grief after everything she's been through, but neither could anyone deny how unfair she had been to Spider his whole life. Despite knowing how innocent he was, Neytiri refused to See him. Despite eventually accepting Jake and loving him for who he is, she couldn't do the same for Spider, and despite knowing how that hurt the child, she didn't care. Or at least-- not at the time. The fact that she didn't care for a child and his feelings was something she came to terms with long ago, but staring Kayla in the face and simply stating she wasn't Spider's mother haunted Neytiri in her sleep. 

The expression Kayla gave terrified Neytiri, guilt riddled her mind and heart. She didn't originally care how her words might hurt Spider, but the guilt she felt when her words affected Kayla felt like she took an arrow through the stomach. It only got worse when Neytiri took the time to look around and see everyone else's reactions. Those who mattered most to her, her husband and her children, all had looked at her as though they didn't recognize her. They looked at her as if she was some sort of monster. After spending time to herself, replaying her words to Spider and everyone's faces, Neytiri finally admitted to herself that they were right. She was a monster. She might not be like Quaritch, but she shouldn't go around and pretend she was better than him, especially after they both held a child at knifepoint for the sake of another.

Neytiri had looked down at her reflection in the water that same day -the day Spider called her out- and suddenly realized she no longer recognized herself. Even though there were things no one could blame her for, there were still moments in her life where Neytiri knew she could've done better. Yes, she let her children play with Spider, but she never once acknowledged him. She didn't have to claim him as hers, but she could've at least made the boy feel welcome. She could've invited him to a family dinner at least once, or given a comment or two on how to properly hold a bow when she caught him trying to teach himself. 

So many instances flash over Neytiri's eyes, instances where she could have shown kindness or care to a little orphaned boy who had done nothing but admire her family and love her children with every fiber of his little being. But she didn't. And when she thought back to the young woman she used to be... before Hometree and before her father... before Tsu'tey and Sylwanin... that young woman would have shown such kindness to Spider. By Eywa, that young woman might have even grown to love him as she had grown to love Jake.

Regret will forever be her friend as Neytiri finally comes to accept that she was wrong. Feeling a little more courageous with Kayla's eyes no longer on her, Neytiri spoke up once more, albeit a little more softly, and with the most sincere regret, "I am sorry."

Unaware of Neytiri's internal conflict, Kayla's eyes return to hers, squinting with disapproval, "It's not me you should be apologizing to."

Neytiri pressed her eyes shut for a moment, the guilt bleeding into her expression as her ears pinned back against her skull, "I am sorry to you as well. I had threatened your son. I almost killed him in front of you."

"He's n--" Kayla's words caught in her throat, then she swallowed them down and looked away again, trying to hide the small pain in her voice, "Thank you."

Neytiri nods, voice a little more sure, "I would not be any better than the monster who took my son away from me if I took yours."

Kayla wanted to be firm and agree, but her tongue swelled in her mouth, with something itching at the back of her mind that told her not to sound petty and vindictive. A question kept nagging at her, the same question Kiri once asked her. What would she have done if she was in Neytiri's place that night? It was a scenario she couldn't imagine in her head, even if she could imagine a lot. 

She hesitates, her posture relaxing and less guarded as she softly asks, "Can... can you explain it to me? So that I can try to understand?"

A visible wince flashed over Neytiri's expression, her eyes wide with distress in response to Kayla's question. Neytiri wasn't sure she could describe what she felt... not without breaking down, that is. Then again, it had been the first time anyone had asked her how she felt instead of just assuming and giving her time to herself. She didn't want that anymore. She's had plenty of time to herself, and a part of her was angry at everyone who continued to give her a wide berth. Solitude was something she no longer needed, and she wanted everyone to stop treating her like she was going to break.

Perhaps talking about it was something Neytiri needed just as much as Kayla in order to feel some sort of comfort. The idea makes her take a deep breath and slowly answer, "It is not the same as losing a parent, in my eyes. I lost my father, and even though I miss him every day, we are told that our parents will join Eywa before us and that they will be waiting for us there when we eventually do the same. For a child... it's different. A parent should always go before their child. That should always be the way of things... and that was stolen from me. You might not know this, but you should be prepared for when Ronal has her child. When we are born, the first tsaheylu is with our mother. To form that strong and emotional bond. To lose the first child I ever bonded with--"

Kayla's tail and ears lower, blinking rapidly to contain hidden pain, her imagination running wild with everything Neytiri had described. It helped that Neytiri was trying to explain it... but Kayla couldn't imagine how it must feel for a grieving mother to say all of this out loud.

Neytiri sucks in a sharp, wheezing breath, but it wavers and her lips begin to quiver. Her eyes grow wet with tears as her hand reaches up to try and gently claw at her chest, visibly and verbally shaking, "The pain for my father and even my sister do not compare... I feel as though I have a gaping wound in my chest that will not stop bleeding. It's always there, ever flowing, and I cannot take a breath without remembering it. My baby who I had kept safe inside me for so long... suddenly ripped from my arms before he could find love... or have a family... or be the olo'eyktan he was always meant to be... I had always wanted to see him as a father, and now I will never have that."

Saying it out loud felt as though she was living Neteyam's death all over again. Fresh tears spilled down Neytiri's beautiful face, carving a familiar path down her cheeks as a sob interrupted her explanation. Her chest squeezed painfully, and her sobs only got worse as Kayla suddenly reached out and pulled her into a tight embrace, purposely hiding Neytiri's face as the grieving mother continued to cry her heart out, wishing she could just be numb. Neytiri didn't miss the way Kayla buried her own wet face to hide from the world, nuzzled into Neytiri's shoulder. The female Na'vi continued to sob, and even though the grief was still too fresh, it helped to have finally put it all into words. It helped to know that someone was trying to understand her when she felt as though everyone else could only pity her. 

"I'm sorry..." Kayla whispered as Neytiri's cries began to subside, "I could never imagine what that feels like."

Neytiri didn't miss how her shoulder felt wet where Kayla's face lay, and something inside the Na'vi woman snapped into place. She didn't want Kayla to imagine. She didn't even want Kayla to understand because that would mean having her sister-in-law go through the same agony she went through. Neytiri didn't want anyone to go through the loss of a child, let alone her husband's dear sister. The thought of having Kayla go through pain similar to hers nearly brought Neytiri to anger. Determined and dry of her tears, Neytiri pulled away, lifting her hands to rest gently on Kayla's shoulders, fixing her with a sharp eye.

"I do not want you to ever experience this pain. I do not want you to end up like me, ma tsmuke."

Kayla shook her head, "There's nothing that says it's wrong to end up like you. You're a good woman and a good mother. You're fiercely protective of your children. Any mother would thrive if they were even remotely like you," watching doubt and pain creep back up Neytiri's face drives Kayla to quickly add, "And I was wrong if I ever suggested otherwise. I never blamed you for protecting your children, Neytiri."

"I know," the Na'vi woman whispers, eyes briefly lowering to the ground in shame, "But I should have never belittled you for protecting yours."

The two women stand in silence once more, now filled with understanding as two mothers protecting their young. With her newfound determination, Neytiri raises her head high, straightens her posture, and stiffly nods, "If you'll allow me, I will go apologize to the boy."

Kayla is silent for the moment, carefully watching Neytiri before slowly replying, "... I better not hear that you hurt him again."

"You won't." 

And with that, both women nod and part ways. Neytiri moves back in the direction of her ikran while Kayla stands still and watches her leave. Wiping the remaining tear tracks on her face as she walked, a thought crossed Neytiri's mind, making her pause in her tracks. A brief memory of Sylwanin flashes through her mind, happy and glowing as she tells Neytiri that Tsu'tey had begun courting her. It was a small pain in her heart at the memory, a small pinprick of a needle, faint but still causing her heart to bleed at the thought of her sister. Swiftly turning back around, Neytiri briefly sees Sylwanin in the flesh, standing there with a beaming smile before the facade fades, and reverts back to Makayla, whose head was tilted while quizzically watching Neytiri. 

Neytiri's breath stuttered for a moment before the words began to tumble from her mouth, "For what it is worth, ma tsmuke, I am happy for you. If Ronal or Tonowari or either of them hurt you, I will kill them for you."

The words briefly stun Kayla, eyes wide and jaw open with shock, before the spell breaks and she finds herself laughing. The needle in Neytiri's heart fades, along with the pain of her sister's memory. Neytiri found herself smiling as well, proud that she pulled such a reaction from her new sister.

~~~~~~~~~

As promised, Spider came home before dinner, and Kayla looked up from cleaning her AR with a smile, "Hey, kiddo."

"Do you have to do that a lot?" Spider tilts his head down at the weapon with curiosity, then briefly looks back at his charge, "Will it not work otherwise?"

Kayla rolls her lips, unsure of how to explain to a child who prefers the life of a Na'vi compared to humans. She shakes her head, "It could jam, for one. I have to clean it for the same reason you have to eat. It needs to function."

Spider nods and says nothing else, which sounds off a dozen other bells in Kayla's head, quick to understand that his questions and attempt at small talk usually meant something else was going on and he was deflecting. She knows that behavior all too well. She sets the weapon aside and gives all her attention to the teen, knowingly smirking at him, "What's up?"

His eyes immediately dart away, arms folding in around him as if to protect what little there was left to hide. He looked embarrassed, ashamed he had been caught as he mumbled under his breath, "Neytiri apologized."

Her expression melts into something solemn and sincere, nodding once, "I know."

"Did you make her?" He asked with suspicion in his gaze.

"No, but she asked me if she could."

"How come?"

Kayla shrugged, feigning innocence as she tried to play nonchalantly, "I'm guessing she was under the impression I didn't want her anywhere near you."

He stared at her for a while, unconvinced, "Right."

Then he moved on to the next topic, "'You gonna break your link tonight?"

Kayla groaned quietly, playfully rolling her eyes up at the ceiling of the marui, "Yeah. Norm radioed earlier to pester me, and I figured I'd see how everyone was doing. 'You need me to tell him anything?"

"My spares' got plenty of battery. I'll be good for a while. Tell everyone I said hi."

"You got it."

~~~~~~~~~

She wakes in the link bay with a queasy stomach and a splitting headache.

It wasn't nearly as bad as the last time she broke her link, but the moment the blinding lights of the biolab flashed in Kayla's face as the lid of the gurney was lifted, she felt her stomach turn and she had to bite the inside of her cheek. 

Sitting up with a stifled groan, Kayla holds her head in her hand, trying to stop the bright room from spinning. Norm, dutifully standing beside her with his arms crossed, decided not to beat around the bush, even in her weakened state, 

"You can't keep doing this, ya know. Staying back there for long periods of time is going to kill your body here, one day at a time. It's safe to say you've reached the limit of human-avatar links."

"Maybe that's a good thing, Norm," Kayla muttered, able to roll her shoulders back and sit up straight without feeling dizzy, "With data like that, the RDA won't be able to get the go-ahead with building avatars for civilians. This can keep them at bay for a while."

"But it's not a good thing for you, Kayla."

"I know. I just..." she tried waving it off, avoiding Norm's narrowed gaze like a child being scolded, "I just need a little more time."

Norm scoffed, unimpressed, "You're stubborn. Just like your brother."

When that doesn't pull a reaction out of her, Spellman decides to break more bad news, "There's more. Scouts have reported seeing a rogue ikran dressed in military gear flying through the mountains, and it's pretty close to our base. They've confirmed the rider to be Colonel Miles Quaritch."

Clouded eyes flick briefly to Norm, widened with shock before Kayla looks away again, exhaling her opinion, "Fuck."

"I thought maybe you could tell Jake for me when you get back."

Kayla is silent for a few moments before she replies, "No. No, let's not tell him."

"What?" Norm rustled.

"If we tell Jake, he'll just wanna come back and track Quaritch down. Maybe that's what Quaritch wants. Right now, Jake needs to be with his family instead of looking for revenge."

Kayla's eyes return to her friend's, wide and pleading, "Please, Norm. Please don't tell him."

They have a silent stand-off, the occasional sound of machinery breaking said silence. Eventually, Norm's posture sinks in defeat, making him look smaller and older than he actually is, "... Fine."

"Swear it."

"I swear it... unless he asks me."

Kayla scoffed, rolling her eyes, "Fine."

"... When you say you need more time, I meant when I said you're just like your brother."

She silently watched him with confusion but didn't verbally ask what he meant, waiting for him to elaborate. Norm looks off to a far wall, recounting very distant memories he hadn't thought of in years, "He was also running out of time, and he was getting desperate. He said he needed more time; time to see Neytiri again."

When Norm looked back at Kayla, he noticed she was purposely keeping her own gaze glued to the floor, her long matted hair covering most of her face, mumbling to a point where he struggled to hear her, "It's not like that this time."

"You're lying." Norm immediately retorts, taking a gamble on his theory when Kayla doesn't immediately try to defend herself. They both knew she was lying only to herself, and Norm didn't hesitate to point it out, "Something's changed."

Seeing no point in lying or keeping it secret, Kayla sighs, "Tonowari and Ronal have officially asked to court me."

Norm's eyes widen, "And...?"

"I agreed but asked to wait on the rest of it until I'm officially one of the People."

"Smart..." He couldn't help it. He needed to lighten the mood and feel a little smug. Norm deserved that much as a boastful smile spread across his face, "Also 'I told you so.'"

Kayla scowls, her eyes finally looking up at him to express how stolid she felt, "Dick."

He snorts, unaffected, finally moving to sit down next to her on the gurney, "So... do they know about... you know... the fact you can't have kids?"

Her posture visibly stiffened, "It didn't come up, no."

"That's probably something you need to discuss with them, Kayla, and soon."

"I know."

His hand reaches out to lightly tap her knee, "I am not saying that it'll be a deal-breaker for them. I don't think they'll care, to be honest. But you don't keep secrets from the people you love."

"Hey," she nudged him back, trying to force a teasing smile on her face, "Why do you think I'm telling you all this?"

"How sweet," Norm scoffs goodnaturedly, "But that's just you trying to deflect."

~~~~~~~~~

It was strange being able to sleep in the shack again, and even more strange to be the only occupant. Kayla looked around the tiny man-made space, eyes flicking to her bunk, the desk, the small kitchenette, and then the vacant wheelchair she never had the heart to throw out when she first arrived at High Camp. It now lay folded up and leaning against the corner wall, former white letters that spelled 'Sully' now unrecognizable. A fond smile graced her lips when she thought back to the three weeks she and Spider stayed here and the teenager struggled to figure out how to balance on the accessible chair as it rocked on its back wheels. The attempt ended with him falling and rolling backward and leaving Kayla in a fit of uncontrollable laughter that he eventually joined.

The thought of her boy made her chest squeeze uncomfortably for a moment, the feeling of loneliness suddenly very apparent in this small shack. How strange that she was sitting in a place she had once tried to call home, but now she felt homesick for an island that was oceans away, or in her case, one neural link away. Realistically, she could go lay down in a link bay and wake up in her marui, awaken to Spider's nivi swinging slowly just off to the side of hers as he sleeps. Kayla shook her head and smiled to herself, amused at the idea of walking to the link bay only to be intercepted by either Norm or Max, both men who had adamantly told her not to link back until it was early morning in Awa'atlu so both her human and avatar form could receive separate reprieve. 

As much as she would like to entertain the idea of rest, the lingering silence in her shack made it feel as though the walls were closing in around her. Kayla knew she wouldn't be able to sleep if she were alone, so she kept herself busy instead, starting with her overgrown hair.

Looking into the mirror that night, a small sense of normalcy returned when she had managed to cut her hair to the same short length she had when she first arrived on Pandora. While her reflection didn't initially scare her anymore without any matted long hair or sunken eyes, Kayla still had a hard time recognizing the woman in the mirror without blue skin or a piercing yellow gaze. It felt wrong and her skin prickled and itched with this revelation. A twisted part inside of her wanted to try and scratch her face off until she recognized it, but she refrained from doing so, knowing how delusional it sounded. It felt as though she was living in someone else's body and she needed to return to hers despite the logical voice in her head reminding her that she was born in this body, as a human, not a Na'vi, and she was foolish to believe otherwise.

The unrealistic voice in her head argued that there was nothing wrong with being a little foolish.

~~~~~~~~~

Waking in her avatar gave Kayla a wave of relief, sitting up in her hammock and stretching as if she had never left. The worries of the night before are immediately forgotten as she and Spider venture out of the home to search for friends and family.

The three reef children Spider has been associating himself with were the first of the day to greet them, and it was clear that the silent news of the Metkayina's clan leaders' courtship was not lost to their children. Kayla was surprised when Tsireya ran up and hugged the older woman's waist, the girl giddy and unable to contain her bright smile. Spider tilts his head curiously at the interaction but otherwise says nothing. 

Kayla took a peek at the girl's brother and saw a slightly different story. Ao'nung was glaring, but not at Kayla or Spider. Ao'nung was scowling at Rotxo, the latter of whom looked gobsmacked while staring up at Kayla, unable to hide his shock even as he turned to his best friend to see his reaction. Ao'nung only scoffed and shoved Rotxo's surprised face away with one hand, mumbling to Spider that they should get a move on.

"Where are we going?" Spider asked curiously. 

"Father wanted to show you how to weave our fishing baskets."

His play on words wasn't lost to the group, certainly not to Kayla and Spider. The adult avatar managed to hold back the wince at the thought of Spider silently noting how Ao'nung didn't say 'my father', but did her best to pretend she didn't even notice. Instead, Kayla decided to follow Ao'nung and Spider to the chieftain's marui, while Tsireya and Rotxo had split up to do some chores, promising to catch up with the other reef and Sully kids later. 

Tonowari greeted them as they entered, both he and Kayla sharing a secret smile as she crouched down beside him. Having many obligations around the village yesterday, the olo'eyktan had only been able to see Kayla from a distance and had yet to get a better look at how she appeared in her new top apart from what Ronal had described to him. Kayla could tell how much he enjoyed seeing her wearing his courting gift by the way his large hand grazed over her skin, encompassing her back whenever both Ao'nung and Spider were occupied with the task he had given them.

The two teenagers were busy weaving large pieces of what would eventually become a fishing basket between them, taking up a lot of floor space with the amount of dry grass, seaweed, and pliant wood being used to fashion and form such a large item. Tonowari was mostly instructing Spider on how to do it since Ao'nung was already skilled in basket weaving, but the chief's son was also impatient and this served as a way to tame such impulse. The olo'eyktan works effortlessly alongside them, his words gentle yet stern,

"Work together, like brothers. You are building a house. You're building your village. You're building a family."

Kayla restrains her smile, despite how warm her chest felt while watching the three of them work together in weaving. She allowed herself to play at the idea of this image being hers one day without trying to get her hopes up. As she watches Tonowari instruct Ao'nung and Spider to take turns weaving their basket pieces together, she gives into the desire to call them 'my boys'... but only in her head.

~~~~~~~~~

Flashing lights, spinning faster and faster while his eyes are forced wide open to watch, feeling as though something sharp was penetrating his skull, embedding itself into his memories...

His screams go unheard this time, and no one comes to stop the machine, not even Quaritch, as the blood drips from his nose, bare skin cold against metal. Spider feels as though his head is going to explode--

Sitting up in his nivi, Spider finds himself gasping for air while his eyes try to get accustomed to darkness... no flashing lights in sight. His hammock gently swings with him as he moves, his mind taking an embarrassingly long time to remember where he was. Spider takes a bunch of large, greedy gulps of air, his breathing mask hissing in tandem, while he looks around the marui to remember he isn't alone. 

Kayla was sitting up in her hammock and carefully watching him. Spider's mind briefly felt shame for being responsible for waking her, but he was too busy breathing to form an apology. It's not like she would accept it anyway. The two of them have already spent countless nights waking up due to Spider's nightmares, and Kayla has been adamant in assuring him that he wasn't at fault for any of it. Once she knows Spider is aware of her presence, Kayla silently stands up and moves over to the kid, standing over his nivi as he's sitting up, starting to relax.

When trying to talk, his throat felt raw and his voice only added to it, "... Hey."

"Hey," Kayla bravely reaches out to cup the back of his head, her hand a gentle, warm weight that feels a lot better than a cold, metal slab, "Was it the scanner again?"

He nods, but the moment Kayla goes to step away, something inside him panics. It felt stupid and childish, but Spider couldn't stop the impulse that made his arms move around Kayla's torso and pull her into a tight hug, pressing his mask up against her ribs as his body started to uncontrollably shake.

Kayla froze, arms raised in the air with hesitancy, blinking multiple times to ensure she was still wide awake and not just imagining this. The teenager only burrows further into her as if she had just found him lost in a shopping mall. For several seconds, she didn't even dare to breathe so as not to spook him before she eventually began to relax and gently settle her large arms around his shoulders, her voice softer than before,

"Alright... it's alright, Spider. You're safe now. What do you need?"

"Just," Spider huffed, feeling incredibly stupid yet distressed at the same time. He knows he shouldn't be acting so small and meek, but the idea of going back to sleep terrified him, "Talk. About anything."

The marui is filled with silence as Kayla wracks her brain to come up with things to say, and then decides that now might as well be as good of a time as any, especially if it meant helping distract Spider from his nightmares, "... Ronal and Tonowari have asked me to be their mate."

Initially, he's quiet while digesting the news, but he's honestly not surprised. He thinks back to the way both clan leaders and even their children had been treating him differently today and the day before. It explains the certain looks Spider has seen other Metkayina give Kayla and her new attire... and it would possibly explain Neytiri's sudden apology to him.

Instead of pointing all of these signs out to his guardian, Spider just snorts in his mask and keeps his arms around her waist, "I told you so."

"Shut up," Kayla huffed under her breath, but even he could tell there was no heat behind it, especially since her arms only tightened around him, "I'm not taking an 'I told you so' remark from a sixteen-year-old, especially since I already got that from Norm. I'm dense, okay?"

Spider laughed and let the silence linger for a minute before reopening his mouth, "... So? Did you accept?"

"Not entirely. I told them I wanted to wait until after my Iknimaya is complete."

"Makes sense. That's usually the way it goes. Courting sometimes lasts years for the Na'vi, so it's not entirely something they wouldn't be used to. You did the right thing."

Kayla's tail leisurely sways behind her, the tone in her voice sounding hopeful, "You think so?"

He closes his eyes for a moment, allowing himself to feel like a child for once, to be held and comforted before he answers quietly, "Yeah. I do." 

~~~~~~~~~

While it was an honest answer, there were slightly different intentions behind it. Spider was impressed by the way Kayla handled her courtship, and any respectable Na'vi would approve of her mature decision to wait. However, Spider now felt as though he was racing against the clock, and at least this way, he still had some time to prove himself useful.

Now that he was proven right that Ronal and Tonowari did, in fact, wish to mate with Kayla, Spider felt the need to work harder and become a more willing and helpful individual. He did what he could without the ability to connect with a tswin and tried to always give a helping hand whenever and wherever. Offering help wasn't hard, especially if he offered it to Tsireya since she always had something for him to do, but some Na'vi still have a hard time accepting Spider's help for... obvious reasons.

But even if the Metkayina didn't want his help, the human teen wasn't just going to lie down in defeat. He found many ways of helping around the village, either by his friends' side or himself, now that everyone wasn't as worried about leaving him alone. Other than to help with chores, Spider barely spent time with his friends outside of work, too busy trying to keep himself relevant. He wanted-- no, needed to pull his weight, too ashamed of the idea of being useless to the point he would get left behind again. As silly as he felt for still having such fears... it was still warranted. He wanted to give the Metkayina a chance to trust him and consider him a viable part of this village so they wouldn't make him leave. As much as he missed the Forest, he couldn't bear the thought of going back alone. So if his friends and his... guardian were staying here, then so was he, and he was determined to prove that he deserved to stay here.

These thoughts plagued him almost every waking moment and thus distracted him from the world around him. While Spider was busy gutting and cleaning some fish Lo'ak had caught, he was approached by the very clan leaders he sought to impress, but hadn't noticed their presence until they spoke,

"Hello, Spider."

Spider's posture straightens instinctively in response to Tonowari's strong voice. Looking to his right, the teenager glanced up and met eyes with the olo'eyktan, standing tall beside his mate and greeting the boy with a pleasant smile. Spider stood up and appropriately greeted the clan leaders with a gesture of his hand and a small, almost sheepish smile, "Hello."

"Is your bow of any use?"

It was difficult to see behind the mask, but Tonowari could've sworn Spider's eyes brightened at the mention of his bow, "It's solid and nicely made. Thanks again."

"Of course."

Spider briefly glanced at the silent Ronal, and he felt as though he imagined  the smile on the tsahik's face and quickly looked away to pretend he didn't see it, "Uh... is there anything I can do for you two?"

While Ronal may or may not have been smiling, Spider dared to describe Ronal's tone as sounding almost light when she spoke, "There might be."

Tonowari chuckled at her being vague and decided to specify for the boy who looked between the two of them with such confusion, "We came to ask for your blessing."

The boy tilts his head, "My... blessing?"

"To court your guardian, Makayla te Suli."

Spider appeared uneasy by their motive, crossing his arms over his chest while the confusion was still evident, "Why are you asking me? Shouldn't you be asking Jake?"

Ronal snorts lightheartedly, "Makayla has been vocal about who we should and shouldn't be asking for permission. It's not her brother's approval she wants, it's yours."

He stood there, motionless, trying to figure out the ever-growing puzzle in his head that was made in Kayla's image. He didn't know why she would tell both of her future mates to seek him out over Jake, someone who was related to her by blood, despite their differences. While Spider understood that Makayla felt responsible for him, that didn't mean he was suddenly entitled to any life-changing decisions she had to make. It's not like her decision to join Ronal and Tonowari's family would affect Spider... much.

The idea of being left in an empty marui came to mind, but he quickly stomped the image down, glancing off toward the ocean as he finally gave the two clan leaders his answer, "Then... yeah, I guess it's fine."

~~~~~~~~~

They must have told Kayla his answer, because once she returned home, Spider was met with a cautious look in her eyes,

"And you're really okay with this?" She asked without even greeting him.

Knowing what she was talking about without even asking, Spider only looked at her with the same confusion he had given Ronal and Tonowari, "Yeah?"

"Kid, I'm not doing anything that's going to make you uncomfortable."

Guilt ate away at his stomach, his sole purpose of trying to remain useful to the Metkayina still at the forefront of his mind. He didn't want Kayla to hold herself back for the sake of his comfort. That would only make him a burden and that was the last thing he wanted. He needed to prove that he didn't need her should the day come when she moved into the chieftain's marui and he was left behind.

Trying to keep his expression neutral, Spider tried to explain this to her without having to go into detail about his insecurities, "They're going to be your family someday, not mine."

Realization dawns on Kayla as her eyes widen, "Is that what you want?" When he doesn't answer, keeping his head lowered, Kayla tries a different approach when she feels as though she was onto something, "'Cause personally, I'd rather have you with me on this. I go where you go, kiddo and anyone who gets with me will have to deal with that."

Stunned, he looked up at her with disbelief, unable to help how accusatory his voice sounded, "Why? Why do you care so much?"

There it is. A question that should've been asked a long time ago, but Spider had always been afraid to ask, so confident that he wouldn't like the answer. As for Kayla, she had always been afraid of the day he'd finally ask her because she wasn't sure if she would be able to say the right thing or even give an honest answer. Half the time, she knew she was winging it when it came to taking care of Spider, but... isn't that what most people have been telling her parenting is all about? As much as she wished to continue being stubborn about it or outright refuse it, Kayla had to admit to herself that even if she would never be Spider's mother, she was the closest thing he had to a parental figure. And... she knew, deep down, that's what she wanted but she had been putting her own wants aside if it meant that's not what Spider wanted.

But clearly, he wanted to make sense as to why she wanted him to be comfortable with their new clan leaders, along with everything that came with them, so finally, Kayla took a deep breath and put it all out on the table, "Because you're a kid, Spider, and you deserve a family. I'm asking you if I can officially be your family. And who knows, maybe one day Ronal, Tonowari, and their kids could be your family."

Spider sucked in a sharp breath of air without realizing it, the soft hiss of his mask filling the marui. His nerves made him want to instinctually laugh it off like she was joking, but he didn't picture Kayla to be the kind of person who joked about such things, especially when he was involved. Replaying her words in his head, he almost believed he imagined it; like it was muffled in the back of his mind because that's what he wanted to hear her say... and yet the words had matched up with her mouth as she spoke... had he imagined it?

There was a small, nasty voice in the back of his head telling him that of course, he imagined it because why in her right mind would Kayla want to be his family? He's nothing but trouble and Kayla was being courted by the leaders of the Metkayina, two respected individuals whose image would surely be ruined by Spider's very presence. 

Another small, more kind voice in his head told Spider that Kayla was right and that he deserved to have a family. Sure, it might not be the family he was born into or the family he had wanted practically his whole life, but it could be his, the family he actually needed. He thought of Ao'nung and Tsireya, two Na'vi who had become such unlikely friends... and yet they could be more? Ronal and Tonowari, who have been decent to him, could potentially be more?

Of course, there's also Kayla, the female avatar who looked unsure as she stood before Spider, staring down at him with fear as if she had said the wrong thing. He couldn't possibly hope that this was her intention, and so he swallowed the dryness in his throat before hesitantly replying,

"So... you're not asking if I'm comfortable about this for... other reasons?"

She frowned, "What other reasons?"

"I don't know..." he shrugged and found himself looking away, sheepish to admit it, "I thought you were asking me all this to make sure I would be okay with getting left alone again when you inevitably go to be with them."

He didn't see the way Kayla's eyes briefly widen in horror before she cursed under her breath, crouching down beside him while bravely placing a hand on his shoulder to gain his attention, "Shit, Spider-- I'm sorry. I can see why that looked bad. No, I'm not leaving you alone just because I intend on seeing someone. I take my responsibilities very seriously, thank you very much."

Ah, yes. Responsibilty. That's who he was to Kayla. It was a good reminder for Spider not to get his hopes up, a reminder that Kayla was a parental figure, but she could never be more than that. He didn't dare glance over at the bookshelf where his mother's picture was displayed, not wanting Kayla to misinterpret anything. 

"... Okay."

Kayla's eyebrows furrow, trying not to appear hopeful, "Okay?"

He nods, "Okay."

Kayla smiled then, more confidently and unaware of Spider's hidden thoughts, but he smiled back, regardless. She squeezed his shoulder once more before pulling away, humming with a small, playful tone in her voice as she mentioned, "You know, eventually we'll have to move in with them, right? Are you comfortable with that? You know that families usually pile together at night."

Spider's face slowly begins to contort with uncertainty, "... You and I aren't used to that."

"Nope. We're not."

Nervously, he smiles, "Shit. Is that a dealbreaker?"

The laughter Kayla let out was cheerful and full of life. It was also contagious as Spider found himself laughing as well, and despite his doubt, there was a small bit of weight that had to been lifted from his shoulders. Despite being unsure of what the future holds for him... at the very least, there was going to be someone to keep him safe. Whether or not Kayla could be his family she mentioned, there was also the uncertainty of whether or not the clan leaders and their children would think the same. Either way, his acceptance clearly made Kayla happy, and he didn't want to ruin that with his insecurities. 

~~~~~~~~~

If there's one thing Jake can confidently say about his sister, it's that if she wants him to know something, she'll tell him. 

It was obvious to everyone that Kayla was not afraid to tell Jake whatever she was thinking. She's not afraid to speak her mind to him, no matter how brutal, and while there are times that Jake secretly appreciates it, lately it's been disheartening due to recent... obvious incidents.

So, when Kayla avoided him for two days, Toruk Makto enjoyed the peace and quiet, but Neytiri gave him a knowing expression that told him he wasn't being very true to himself in those moments. He eventually had to admit to himself that the silence was getting to him and he would've preferred his little sister yelling at him than straight up avoiding his presence. He eventually gave in and sought her out on the third day. 

He finds his sister in her marui with Spider that morning, rolling up their separate nivi and getting prepared for the day ahead. Jake watches them for a moment, still unsure of how to address them if neither was going to admit they were mother and son, before announcing his presence. Kayla, once laid back and content, ready to face the day, now looked tense and wary at the sound of her brother's voice. Jake tried not to let it bother him, keeping his expression neutral as he offered to assist Kayla with any chores she had.

She agreed, with reluctance, and moved to meet him in the doorway. Jake did his best to keep his face impassive, but he struggled when Kayla walked close enough to the point he could catch a whiff of her scent. It was by no means her own, or the one Jake had affiliated as his sister whenever she was near. It smelled familiar, but it wasn't Kayla's and while it was faint, it was definitely new. It bothered him for a moment as both he and Kayla walked out of the marui together,his brain trying to conjure where he had smelled that particular scent before. While Jake wanted to mention it, he wisely doesn't say a word for many reasons. The whole scent debacle was a Na'vi thing and he could understand if Kayla wasn't entirely comfortable about the concept, and she may not understand it fully herself. 

And like before, he knows that if there's something Kayla wants him to know, she'll tell him.

Kayla had asked Jake to help her with a canoe she's been wanting to make for a while now, and so together they conjured up the necessary supplies and started hauling it all back to her pod. She trailed behind Jake, silent for the most part, and the tension in the air was palpable, almost worse than the silent treatment she had been giving her brother for a few days. Jake knew something was right on the tip of her tongue, practically hearing the gears in her head without even needing to see her face as he walked in front of her. It was the same, intense silence he remembered experiencing when she was younger, right before she came out to her brothers. Tommy, ever the nurturing sibling, was worried for Kayla and had gently told her that if there was something she'd like to get off her chest, he and Jake would always hear her out, and no matter what, they would always be there for her.

Jake felt his chest squeeze painfully at the memory, so he was glad to distract himself from it when Kayla's voice suddenly spoke up from behind him,

"Jake."

He continued to walk towards her home as it drew near, ear tilted back in her direction, over his shoulder, "Hm?"

"There's something I got to tell you--" 

She paused, and before Jake could ask her to elaborate, a soft thud from behind him gently rattled the woven pathway beneath his feet, followed by the sound of a large splash. Jake frowned and turned back around, only for his sister to no longer be standing there. In her place, was the basket of supplies she had been carrying, the contents spilled across the walkway and even rolling into the water below, the soft plopping sound of small items crashing into the water filling the air while Kayla was nowhere to be seen.

Something heavy falls in Jake's gut, as his ears point up and dance around in alertness. He reacts fast by quickly setting down his items and sprinting to the edge of the path, looking down into the water.

"Kayla!"

He sees a small shadow, quickly growing smaller as it sinks further into the water. It was the only thing that crossed his mind before diving into the sea.

The loud splash followed by Jake's distressed voice calling out to Makayla grabbed Spider's attention and steps out of the kelku, just in time to see the revered Toruk Makto diving straight into the water, abandoning baskets full of spilled supplies all along the pathway in his panicked rush. Spider's heart plummets in the five seconds Jake was underwater, and when the older man had yet to break the surface, Spider found himself running down the woven path toward the spot Jake had jumped from, even if he didn't believe he could be much help to a large, full-sized Na'vi, fearing the worst.

By the time Spider reached the deserted supplies scattered across the walkway, Jake had finally resurfaced, gasping for air while water spilled into his eyes and ears. The former marine struggled to paddle with just one arm back toward the path walk while trying to keep a fully grown female avatar afloat, her closed eyes doing nothing to help the panic begin to eat away at her brother's chest.

Despite being small, Spider scrambled to help Jake lift Kayla's body out of the water, hooking his arms underneath hers and lifting with all his might with a soft grunt. Jake helped by lifting Kayla's legs out of the water, and once she was lying across the pathway on her back, Jake lifted himself out of the water before frantically crawling over to her, gently shoving Spider out of Kayla's space so he could inspect her for injuries.

Nothing visible appeared to be wrong with her, but Kayla's eyes remained closed and when Jake initially dragged her out of the water, he couldn't help but notice how lifeless her body moved. Or, in a sense, didn't move.

"Hey!" Jake practically yelled in her face, his hand beginning to gently pat her cheek, only for the motion to grow into harsher slaps the longer she refused to open her eyes.

The panic that was beginning to rise up to Jake's throat only added to the stern, angry tone in his voice as he yelled at his sister's face, "Heyheyhey, wake up. Kayla!"

"Kayla?" Spider's voice called out, less afraid of sounding panicked while fear was evident behind his mask when directing his attention to Jake, "What's wrong with her?"

"I don't know..." Jake initially replied before pausing his train of thought, a sinking feeling of familiarity washing over him when he started to analyze Kayla's symptoms and recognize the signs. It had been over a decade... but he'd seen this happen before, and the thought scared him.

"Spider, do you have your flashlight?"

Without asking for an explanation, Spider hands him the flashlight he kept in a small pouch of necessities he had tied around his loincloth.

"There we go..." Jake mutters under his breath almost as if trying to soothe and reassure himself, turning on the flashlight before leaning over Kayla's face. He takes his free hand and forces one of her eyelids to peel back, shining the bright light directly into her eye before moving on to the other one. 

Her pupils don't move or even dilate, confirming Jake's growing fear, "Shit. She's not in there."

"What?" Spider croaked, suddenly hating the way his eyes felt warm.

"She's not in there," Jake automatically explained, "Something or someone interrupted her link." 

Jake tries catching his breath, willing himself to regain a bit of self-control. He didn't want to assume the worst, but at the very least, Kayla wasn't dead, and her avatar didn't appear to be injured. For all he knew, Kayla had simply woken up hundreds of miles away, among their human allies and the Omatikaya. He'll just have to make a call back to High Camp and they can sort out this small situation. Nothing major... 

He kept telling himself that as he bent down and lifted Kayla up into his arms, supporting her back and the crook of her legs while trying to maneuver around Spider, "Hang on-- watch out. Let's get her back to my place." 

Spider dutifully follows, bounding down the woven path just to be able to catch up to Jake's long strides, the boy's eyes never leaving Kayla's avatar, "What do we do?"

"Let me try and contact Norm."

The walk back to the Sully marui felt like forever, with Jake trying to stamp down his growing anxiety the longer it took to get back. When they finally arrived, Jake and Spider brought Kayla inside only to find themselves alone, with no one else home. Jake gently lays Kayla down and immediately beelines for his long-range radio, gripping the device harshly as he speaks into it,

"Dirty Falcon, Dirty Falcon, do you read me? This is Devil Dog, over."

Jake releases the button and waits, the pod filled with static and silence. Spider kneels down beside Kayla's head, staring at Jake's radio with a rising, fluttering feeling in his chest that makes chills rise across his skin. As he and Jake continued to sit in silence, the lack of response on Norm's end was palpable.

Jake could hear his own heart racing in his ears as he brought the radio to his mouth once more, "Norm, it's Jake. Are you there? Norm?"

Silence.

"Norm? Norm?"

~~~~~~~~~

He wasn't sure how many times he had tried calling High Camp as minutes turned into hours. Whether it was six or seven attempts, Toruk Makto had begun to inspect the radio to ensure it was even working, not wanting to entertain the thought that something might be wrong on the other end of the communication. Each time he spoke into the radio and then stopped to wait for a response, he couldn't help the glances he'd send over to Spider. Each time, as the silence lingered between each call, the teenager's face only fell further and it made Jake's chest feel like lead. By the time the suns were at the highest peak in the sky, the village stirred with whispers about Makayla te Suli's collapse. As people gradually learned what had happened, Jake found his home being bombarded with not only his wife and children as they raced back to the pod but other Na'vi as well, much to his surprise. 

Some of his children's friends were also present. Ao'nung and Tsireya were with Lo'ak when they heard about what happened to Kayla and immediately came running back to the marui with him, concern etched on their young faces. Jake watched with confusion as the reef siblings moved like a well-oiled machine. Ao'nung, as if on instinct, knelt down beside Spider, inspecting Kayla's avatar while Tsireya sternly let Lo'ak know that she was going to fetch her parents.

Jake heard this but didn't register the words until the young girl was already heading out the door, and by then it was already too late to stop her. Lo'ak quickly distracted his father from his racing thoughts when he asked what had happened to his aunt. By the time Jake recounted the events, the rest of the Sullys were speeding into the marui and Tsireya had returned with the clan leaders. 

Ronal was like a tidal wave as she bounded into the Sullys' home, a fearsome expression in her eyes that would immediately make any normal man flinch had Jake not been exposed to Grace Augustine's own ferocity, 

"And why have you brought her back here instead of to me?"

"Because she's not injured and this has nothing to do with spirituality," Jake found himself saying robotically, instinctively falling into the role of Toruk Makto to help him not acknowledge the hidden anxiety deep in his gut, "Makayla's human form must have woken up and that's why she collapsed here. She's... she's no longer possessing this body."

Tonowari hovers over his mate like a protective shadow as she bends down over Kayla's avatar, the olo'eyktan's eyes hardened with determination to find a solution as he addresses Jake, "Is that normal?"

Jake's ears pin back, eyes unfocused for a moment, "No, it's not. This only happens if someone is forced out of their Na'vi body. I've seen it before."

Ronal grabs Kayla's chin to tilt the avatar's head to look up at her, "Makayla? Makayla, can you hear me?"

The formality had puzzled Jake for a moment, staring oddly at the tsahik as she continued to carefully inspect his sister's avatar. Peering over at his wife, he noticed Neytiri looking back at him, waiting patiently with her tail gently swaying behind her, the way she normally looked when she expected him to figure something out. Whatever it was, it would have to wait as Jake shook his head and turned back toward the radio, making contact his first priority. 

"Dirty Falcon, Dirty Falcon, do you read me? This is Devil Dog, over." Jake pressed into the radio before letting go of the button, not as enthusiastic for a reply.

"What is happening?" Tonowari questioned.

"I've been trying to reach our human allies with the Omatikaya all afternoon, but so far no one's responding."

"And I take it that is not normal either?"

A shadow falls over Jake's eyes as he glares into the piece of technology in front of him, "No."

"J-- Jake! We have a situation."

A familiar voice suddenly buzzes through the device before being abruptly cut off. The whole room stills as if time had stopped. Jake hadn't noticed he was holding his breath as he stared down at the radio until his lungs burned and his heart squeezed painfully in his chest. With a start, Jake greedily sucks in air as he quickly moves to grab the radio,

"Norm, what's going on?" He harshly demands, "What happened?"

"Lab compromised-- can't--"

The connection cuts off again but Jake doesn't give up, desperate for an answer, "Norm! Come on... Norm, do you copy? Where's Kayla?" 

"She... She's gone!"

The air completely sucks out of his lungs, his brain scrambling for a reasonable explanation. He didn't have to look around to know that everyone else would be panicked and concerned as well. Ronal had stood up straight once more, standing near Kayla's feet as her expression reared back with affliction, her eyes darting to Tonowari as they both shared a look of genuine fright. Spider noticed their exchange out of the corner of his eye before looking back down at the body in front of him, his chest feeling tight as the news sunk in, his small hand leaning near Kayla's as if afraid that touching her hand would somehow evaporate her avatar's form. The lightest brush of skin against his elbow let him know that Ao'nung was still right beside him.

Jake could feel the rushing of his heartbeat pulsing loudly in his ears as he absorbed the information. All other rational thoughts jump out the window as he suddenly snaps and growled into the communication device, "What do you mean 'gone?' Norm, what the fuck happened?"

Neytiri didn't even have the heart to chastise her husband for such language in front of the children, her own mind spiraling at all of the possibilities that might have befallen her people, let alone Kayla. Tuk's hand instinctively reaches up to grab her mother's when she feels the older woman's distress, the air stale with tension as all eyes are fixed on the radio. 

"I had to force an emergency shutdown on Kayla's link in progress," Norm finally manages to explain without the connection cutting him off, "High Camp had to evacuate because we thought our location might've been compromised. We all scattered and ran to hide and avoid capture, but when we made it to the rendevous she didn't show up-- And... she's not here, Jake. We went back to camp when the coast was clear and Kayla is the only one not accounted for."

That could mean anything, but Jake wasn't ready to make any conclusions until he got the full story, "Who compromised High Camp?"

"Quaritch."

The room felt silent once more, dread swimming in Jake's gut as he closed his eyes and heaved a large, exhausted sigh. One of his ears flicked in the direction he knew Kiri was kneeling down to wrap her arms protectively around Spider without even having to look. 

"He had been sighted scouting the Hallelujah Mountains for days prior to this. We thought he might've finally found us so we dispersed."

Jake's head spun with emotions, trying not to let anger get the better of him as he clutched the radio, "Why didn't you call in these sightings to me? I would've come back."

"Because we thought he was after YOU, Jake. If you had come running back, he would've been there, waiting for you."

He took a deep breath, "Do we know for sure Quaritch has Kayla?" 

"We're still looking, but... look-- Kayla grabbed a radio before we split up and scattered. There was a tracker, and when we got back, Max tried to access it, but the signal was lost nearly halfway to our rendevous point. If Quaritch snatched her, he could be anywhere by now."

"... So why Kayla? Did he take her to get to me?"

"That's what I thought originally. But Jake-- we don't think he's reporting back to Ardmore anymore."

Norm's words clearly surprise Jake, eyes briefly widening before they return to their normal shape. Unaware of Jake's reaction, Norm's voice continues to come in through the radio, "We've been monitoring RDA radio chatter and there were never any indicators that he never called in a strike against the camp. Ardmore didn't send an army, it was just him. I think he acted alone on this, against Ardmore's orders. Or maybe she doesn't know about it. All I know is he's after something or someone, whether it's you or something else, he knows that Kayla has what he wants."

Jake feels a weight of revelation sink in his stomach, slowly peering over his shoulder, only to find that Spider was already looking back at him. As expected, Kiri was kneeling behind her best friend and her long blue arms encompassed the human teen's shoulders, tightening further when her father's gaze landed on them. Spider doesn't move or even breathe for that matter, the kid's eyes wide with what could only be described as fear. 

"I think I know what he's after," Jake muttered back into the radio, his eyes never leaving Spider's, "Let me get back to you with a plan, Norm."

He cuts contact on the radio and rushes to stand up. Kiri, assuming the worst after seeing the look in his eye when he gazed at Spider, speaks up before her father can even say a word, "Dad, you can't leave her! Not like when you left Spider!"

Jake winced, an apologetic expression directed at the boy in question before he straightened his posture, looking around at the room of Na'vi all staring at him expectedly. The weight of Toruk Makto was heavy on his shoulders once more... only this time it felt worse. The fear of failure was worse.

Quaritch likely has Kayla, and the very thought of the Recom holding his sister hostage brought that same, deep-rooted fear he had festered when Quaritch had taken his daughters. The haunted image of Quaritch's knife against Kayla's throat when they were fighting on the ship didn't help that fear. Looking over and meeting Neytiri's eyes, Jake saw that same haunted expression on her face, the look of someone who had lost so many of her loved ones to the colonel. Quaritch was responsible for her father's death, and the lives that were lost when Hometree fell. Quaritch was responsible for Tsu'tey, for Grace, for Trudy... Neteyam... Hell, he might have been the one held responsible for the death of Neytiri's sister, Sylwanin.  

Turning back and taking one look at Spider's pleading eyes, Jake was desperate to ensure that Kayla wouldn't be added to Quaritch's growing list. 

Jake's expression hardened, hiding away his thoughts while addressing Kiri, "I won't, baby girl. Not this time." 

~~~~~~~~~

A/n: In between chapters, I asked for a couple of commissions from the following:

I'd like to thank @sullyfortress for this beautiful masterpiece of Kayla!

And @rocklobster0 for making this cute chibi art of Kayla/Tonowari/Ronal! You guys are amazing individuals and are so gifted😍Thank you so much!

[notsoattractivearenti]

I'm All Yours (Mason Mount x Fem!Reader) 🔞

WC: 1.2K

Warnings: SMUT, oral sex (m receiving), curse and vulgar words. MINORS DNI

A/N: i think we all know why i wrote this one 🫣🤭 this was meant to be a fluff but somehow i started to write smutty lines and there was no turning back lmao blame mason. yes this is short, not proofread and i'm not good at writing smut btw so apologies in advance if this isn't decent 🫣 tho i hope you guys enjoy and i’d love to hear your thoughts thru ask/reply/reblog 🫶🏻 apologies for any errors! feedbacks are highly appreciated 🤍

–

After 5 weeks out because of the injury he picked up at the Spurs game in August, Mason was finally back on the field for a game against Crystal Palace for the EFL Cup. Throughout the recovery process, he was very determined to heal and get better than before because he didn’t like being away from the pitch for so long. All he wants is to give the new club and the fans the best performance – and getting injured was really upsetting for him, but he didn’t want to let it mess with his head. During his comeback game, he played really well during the first half before getting subbed off – he even did an assist from a corner kick which was perfectly finished by Casemiro with a header goal. Watching how he had gained his confidence back after injury and got to prove that he is a deserving addition to the team – unlike what some people said – made you feel even prouder than you’ve ever been of him.

When he went home after the game, he couldn’t stop telling you how good it felt to go back and win. He was also very happy he was able to make an assist, though he is now aiming for at least one goal for the next game.

“You know, Mase, the fans were very happy with how you played,” you told him with pride, “I’m delighted that you’re back, you were amazing.”

“Thank you, my love, I’ll keep trying to deliver. I’m going to give the best I can. For the fans, and most importantly you.” He smiled.

–

Little did the fans know, he had an advertisement video with Nike Underwear – which had been prepared from a while ago – and now ready to be posted. After the incredible game he just had the day before, uploading the video felt like perfectly timed to treat his fans. 

You weren’t present on the set when Mason and the Nike team shot the video, but you saw the pictures he had on his phone – for your benefit, he said teasingly. Since the first time he showed you those pictures, you couldn’t keep your eyes off of his phone. You slowly and carefully checked them out one by one, zoomed them in and out because you didn’t want to miss every little detail. 

“Fuck…” you panted.

“Mason… These are… Insanely hot.”

He was sitting next to you and noticed how your pupils were dilated, your breathing became heavy, and how you kept biting your lip – you were basically drooling over his pictures and he was really satisfied by your reaction.

“Uh, baby, you good?” He asked as he grinned cheekily.

“What?” You glanced at him for a second. “Oh, I...”

You couldn’t even finish your sentence. Those pictures just made you speechless – that man drove you crazy. And before you know it, you were feeling all hot and heavy and your pussy was dripping wet.

“Baby, I’m gonna need a minute…” You whimpered. “Now all that I think about is how bad I want to suck your dick and have your cum in my mouth. Thanks a lot, fucker.”

“Well…” he kissed your neck, then whispered in your ear, “I would very much love that.”

You looked at him and tried to make sure he really wanted you to give him a head. He assured you by unbuttoning his pants and pulled them down.

“Whenever you’re ready, Y/N.” 

You kissed him on the lips and immediately kneeled between his legs and started by rubbing his massive bulge to build up the arousal. Mason still had his boxers on, and when you felt his bulge became harder, you gently pulled them down.

The second his boxers came off, his dick was already fully erect and you couldn’t wait to have it inside your mouth. You started by spat on his hard dick and stroked it up and down. As your hand moved all over his dick, he bit his lip and let out a few moans.

“Mmm… Fuck… That feels good…”

You kept stroking and gave his dick tight squeezes a few times too.

“Y/N… Stop teasing, please…” He growled.

“Tell me what you want now, baby.”

“I want my cock… Inside your fucking mouth…” He begged.

You began by licking his dick up and down for a short while, then swirling your tongue on the tip. His breath hitched – the way your tongue felt around the head made his heart pound and he was feeling all flushed. You dipped your tongue into his slit, and he clenched both his fists and thighs. 

“Ohhh… F-f-fuck…” He panted.

With your hand still stroking, you slowly put his dick deep into your mouth. You started moving up and down at a slow pace, and gradually changed your pace. As you engulfed his dick within your sloppy mouth, he gripped your hair and you were making eye contact with him which he loves so much – he always thinks the eye contact made the action a lot sexier and he isn’t wrong.

“Don’t stop, baby…” He bit back a moan.

The faster and deeper you went, the more intense the waves of pleasure he had. When you moaned, he could feel the vibration coming from your throat and it gave a sexy touch.

“Y/N…”  he murmured, “I’m fucking close…”

The moment you heard him you sucked faster than before and his body began to shiver. He squeezed his eyes shut, soaking the pleasure in.

“Yeah, cum in my mouth.”

“I’m about to cu- ohhh…”

Suddenly, time stopped ticking and his vision faded to black. An explosion of pure bliss just hit and left him breathless. At that moment, he filled your mouth with his cum for you to swallow.

He lied on the bed and was breathing heavily, unable to speak even a word.

“Good fuck, Y/N,” he exhaled, “that was amazing.”

You got up and smiled, now about to clean up. “Mmhmm.”

As you cleaned up, you playfully asked him, “Mase, have you eaten a lot of fruits lately?”

He laughed. “Yeah, I think I have. Tasted sweet, didn’t it?”

You licked your lips – which were still covered with his cum – and nodded in agreement. “Love it.”

–

When the advertisement video was ready, he showed it to you before it got uploaded.

“Woah, you’re going to post this with no warning?” You jokingly asked.

“Yeah, no… Why?” He was confused for a moment.

“Mase, you do know how people are going to react, right? You’re literally wearing nothing but underwear and they can see your bulge? They’re going to go crazy, my love.”

He finally understood why and chuckled.

“Oh baby… I surely don’t mind.” He winked.

“Ugh, please.” You playfully rolled your eyes.

“Hey, don’t worry,” he stood in front of you and gently lifted up your chin, “you are the only one who gets to see and experience the whole show whenever you want to.”

He gave you little kisses starting from your forehead, nose, cheeks then a big one on your lips.

“Just so you know,” he added, “I’m all yours, Y/N.”

You blushed and laughed when you heard him say what he said. 

“Mmm… Lucky me.”

–

taglist: @pulisicsgirl @neverinadream @swimmingismywholelife @chilwellspulisic @bracedes @lovelynikol16 @thoseboysinblue @lizzypotter14 @masonsrem @landoslover

[eee-lordy]

4 for the prompts! with felix??? thanks!

Thanks nonny! Would love more Felix requests if you have any up your sleeve 😍

"Not what I came for."

───※ ·❆· ※───

He tried to get you to come home with him for the summer.

But you'd watched this cycle from afar, across campus. You'd watch Felix charm people closer into his orbit. And they would flock toward him like flies to sticky paper. Felix ate it up every time. And then he'd get bored. And a new summer would roll in, and Felix would parade around a new placeholder for a handful of months.

"I'm not particularly interested in a fling, lover boy." You half joked. The people Jacob attached too every summer weren't always romantically linked. But regardless of intentions, you rose your point.

"Is that what you think of me really?" Felix held a hand to his chest in appallment.

"Not entirely. I am just as infatuated with you as everyone else. I just don't want to be buttered up to be abandoned when winter comes you know?" You sat across from Felix, not taking for granted how he leaned in to listen to you speak. There was no use in fighting off how entranced he'd been with you. There was no fighting the way Felix trailed beside you this semester. You were his next victim. And you'd let it last as long as the school year played out. But you knew better than to follow him home.

"Then I've got a challenge ahead of me. How can I prove that I'm determined to spend longer than a summer with you, love?" Felix flicked out a wrist, letting his long fingers fall to your face and rest on your cheek.

You smiled despite your hard stance. You shrugged because you really didn't have an answer. You let him go on persuading you a while longer to join him at Saltburn. Then you insisted he head back to his own dorm, it was getting late.

The rest of that month, each day ticked by with anticipation of summer break approaching. Felix asked once in a while if you'd reconsider his offer. He droned on about how he'd miss you. He'd mentioned wanting you to meet his family. He even begged once. You stuck out a sorry lip, pouting a decline. It just wasn't going to happen. If Felix liked you as much as he said he did, he'd come running back to campus, more tan, less educated, and just as enamored with you. If he did, you'd be delighted. If he didn't, you'd be assured you'd decided correctly to stay away for the summer.

When the day came for Felix to pack up and head home, he didn't ask you along. He didn't say much of anything at all. You'd never seen him so desolate, so unpersuasive. He flung his arms around your shoulders for a hug that he wouldn't let go from for a long time. Neither of you spoke. Neither of you said goodbye.

And then the days felt empty. You'd made plans and enjoyed the sun and filled your days with fun best you could. Not one passed without thoughts of Felix in mind, though. You wondered how he'd been doing, what he'd been up too, if he was thinking about you even half as much as he said he would.

You even turned down a new date, feeling a little ray of hope left that Felix would come running back to you once the new semester started.

Each second of those free as can be days passed by excruciatingly. You were kidding yourself when you tried to pretend you didn't miss him. You were frustrated when you realized he'd become your favorite ear to talk off, favorite set of eyes to look for across the halls. You told yourself to stop caring when you glanced at your calendar and saw too many days left to pass before summer was over.

And then there was a knock on your dorm room door.

Felix had returned, cutting his break short. He didn't even unpack the bags he'd taken home. He headed right to your door and hoped you'd still open it with a smile like before. And when you did, he flung himself toward you in an embrace you hadn't expected.

"Back so soon? Missed the lunch hall food that much?" You joked, hugging Felix back in utter shock and awe.

"Not what I came here for." Felix cooed, clinging to you with all his might. "Told you I'd miss you. I didn't just want to bring you home for the summer. I wanted you."

"And I believe you now." You beamed, relishing the way his hands stayed clutching your sides. Stunned by the way Felix was looking at you now, with a desperation in those eyes you didn't have to miss any longer. You couldn't believe Felix broke his cycle. He went home without a companion, and he came back here much sooner than you knew he always used to. Felix broke his cycle for you. You broke his cycle.

"Let's make up for lost time, yeah?" You grinned, insisting he leave his bags on the floor and follow your every lead. As Felix bended to your will, you asked what his plans for next summer were. He told you to start making them. It was his turn to be strung along. And it was your turn to watch as Felix wrapped himself right around your finger.

───※ ·❆· ※───

[poomphuripan]

Director Pepzi Banchorn Vorasataree - iQIYI Exclusive Interview Transcript

[What makes 'My Stand-In' special?]

Pepzi: The uniqueness of this series lies in my perspective of it being a youth drama. However, it's the kind of youth drama that's like... So typically youth dramas should be bright, simple and straightforward right? But this youth series has real drama and delves into the intricacies of life and emotions. It has these life stories that makes me feel like... Like about a painful youth which makes me think that having a series like this would be very interesting. Because the series not only portrays the mundane aspects of life but also adds a touch of fantasy, not in the sense of envisioning a futuristic fantasy, but rather, revolving around life's themes. I find these elements fascinating.

[What are some challenges you face as Thailand's first female Y Series (LGBTQIA+ series) director?]

Pepzi: Some refer to me as the "mother of LGBTQIA+ dramas," but not for any specific reason though but it's because I'm the only few [female directors]. Everyone else is typically called something like "father of...". With a BL series foundation, people often express delight in the fact that I make Y series, that I understand the NC scenes, and grasp the dynamics and critical scenes between same-sex characters. However, I'd like to emphasize that, my starting point/intention is that I always love to direct a love story, whether it involves same-sex or other relationships, the base of it has to be a love story. I believe that, once we have understood love, whether it's BL with men loving men or women loving women or men loving women, ultimately, they all share the same foundation being love stories [regardless of gender]. As long as we understand love enough, and perhaps it's also because of my age [re: personal experiences], I have seen been able to see various forms of love, which have evolved over different stages of my life. Therefore, to me, directing LGBTQ+ dramas is just like directing another form of love story. Each of my works revolves around love. Thus, I don't differentiate between whether it's a Y series or not.

[Why did you decide to direct "Stand-in"?]

Pepzi: The opportunity to direct "My Stand-In" arose when I met Ms. Yuan, (the CEO) of YYDS. YYDS wanted me... so they initially reached out to me, however, at that time, I was quite exhausted and looking forward to taking a break. Cause like your body/health after working on four, five series... Actually during the pandemic, I had been involved in numerous projects without any rest or travel. Until one day, I decided to take a break. I rested for several months without working, without taking on any new works. Then when Yuan contacted me again, I even told her I would only consider it after hearing the plot. I was planning to decline if it didn't pique my interest. Because I'm at that age where I should just rest. Later, I told her I wanted to meet and see the content. Ultimately, when we met and Yuan showed me the Chinese script translated in Thai, I realized it was a really interesting/fun story. The storyline was so compelling that it drew me, someone who was on a break, back to work. At that point, I had only read the plot. It wasn't until later that I found out it was based on a popular Chinese novel with millions of views. Honestly, while reading the novel, I found the storyline truly remarkable and felt compelled to direct it. It was only later that I learned about its background story and the powerful narrative it held.

[What gives you confidence in this series?]

Pepzi: First, upon receiving the plot, I thought the original Chinese version was so good. But I knew we would have to adapt storyline to make a Thai version (re:suit the Thai audience), and we had a conversation with the Chinese scriptwriters right at the beginning to ask for permission in order to make adjustments if they wanted me to make this. If they wanted me to direct, they had to trust my abilities, choices, and decisions. We had to localize the storyline to fit the Thai context. Eventually, after discussions with the original Chinese author (Shui Qian Cheng), who agreed to the adaptation adjustments, we moved forward. Every time we make a change, we would thoroughly discussed between both parties. I felt that the fact that everything proceeded smoothly from the outset was an excellent sign. Plus, being given the freedom to select the cast based on my aesthetic preferences or the vibes of the series was empowering. However, every decision I made was preceded by discussions with the team so it felt like this drama is good in all aspects. I believe that this is a BL or Y series where we really chose the main characters based on the storyline. Meaning, we looked for actors suitable for the roles according to the plot, and the result turned out great, just like it is now.

[What are the differences between the TV series and the novel?]

Pepzi: The structure is similar, but we made some changes to the context to make it more suitable for a Thai audience. It's not just about incorporating into Thai culture, but including the lifestyle or the way Thai people think and live. Because ultimately, this is a Thai series with the kind of plot geared towards a Thai audience so we believe that most of the viewers will be Thai. But we also trust that the Thai people perspectives can resonate globally. Changes can be made, but we aim to preserve the fundamental cultural aspects of Thailand.

[How is the director's job, and what's special about it?]

Pepzi: One aspect we paid particular attention to is the action scenes. While I can direct action scenes, some crucial segments required additional assistance to help me make those scenes look cool/badass. And the person who can make [those action scenes] look cool/badass is THE Kongkiat Komesiri, or P'Khom. I've known Kongkiat for a long time, over ten years. Kongkiat offered to help designing some action scenes or pivotal moments in the series. In this series, there's also a crew that many others may not know much about but it's the stunt crew team. For the stunt team of this series, Ja is responsible for/lead of the crew. P'Ja is Jeeja Yanin, I don't know if we're born in the same year (re: if we're the same age) or not. P'Ja came to help oversee our stunt, action and fight sequences and even the training of the actors. Since this series is related to stunt doubles, we aimed to gather the most talented individuals in every aspect within our capabilities. So I feel like everyone involved that we've been able to gather are people who are skilled in their respective fields. From my perspective, I've already done my best and everyone else also brings their best. So I feel like the entire team is... If it's someone in the production industry, they'd know that to be able to do that is pretty amazing.

[Why must it be Up and Poom?]

Pepzi: Why Up and Poom? Initially, we were looking for Ming and Joe. We had to find Ming and Joe. After an analysis, we found it quite challenging. So, we started with Joe. Joe's character is a stunt double, the top one in Thai martial arts dramas. He had to be handsome because he would be doubling for the hottest stars, and his acting skills needed to be top-notch. He also had to convey emotions well and be disciplined. We were searching very hard. In the end, nearly 400 actors wanted to play Joe. And I was the person who watched everyone who auditioned. We auditioned everyone, then matched and paired them up until we finally found that... we chose Up and we chose Poom. And I dare say here that on the day we made our decision, Poom wasn't necessarily the actor with best acting skill among the 400. But for me, Poom is the person who resembled Joe the most. After selecting Poom, I told him to put in more effort. I felt like I really hoped the audience would give him a chance. He wasn't someone with prior fame or popularity, but Poom is a talented actor. Because Poom had really stepped into the role/embodied his role as Joe and that Joe is the most perfect version of Joe for me.

As for Up, once we found our Joe... Actually we found our Ming first but Ming was even harder to find than Joe because he had to be born into wealth, things which we couldn't fabricate. Right? Moreover, he had to be a skilled actor because he needed to portray depth. As a top executive of a company, who had to be secretly in love with someone, someone his sister loves, and he had to back off. Then, he accidentally falls for someone else. That accidental entanglement turns out to the biggest true love of his life. We auditioned numerous people, including celebrities. Many, many people. Ultimately, it was a gut feeling, perhaps intuition? I really saw shades of Ming in Up. They resembled each other. And then Up actually came to audition. But I'm very grateful to Yuan because one day Yuan went to talk to Up saying that Pepzi's simple request was for Up to come for an audition because I wanted to see if Up was really (suitable for) that character. So Up really came to the audition. It was the first tape audition, then finally, we started looking for someone who could pair well with Up. And it took many steps before Up and Poom became our Ming and Joe.

[What do actors need to prepare to become their characters?]

Pepzi: Mostly, it was a LOT workshops but there's also many types of workshops and we have to differentiate between them. So especially for Poom, there were many workshops. We'd have a regular acting workshop, like an acting workshop between Up and Poom for them to work on their emotional scenes together. But Poom also has a separate workshop to handle stunt sequences due to his character's profession as a stunt double. Poom really had a lot of these action workshops and he worked diligently in all of them. His positions/stunt sequences he showed were really good. Shoutout to the instructors and the crew of P'Jeeja for this. Additionally, there's one last workshop and it's the intemacy workshop for the intimate scenes. Ultimately, despite containing mature content, the foundation of these scenes is love. Both actors trusted us, and we conducted rehearsals for intimate scenes beforehand. We're thankful for their cooperation and trust, and their compatibility was evident from the first shoot. This series is filled with love, not lust, but love. That's why there were those scenes. Yea, so much thanks to them.

[From day one to today, what have you seen in the actors?]

Pepzi: I've been able to witness their development as actors when they're playing these characters. Like I've said previously, we chose them because we saw Ming and Joe in them. But as they continued to portray the roles, I dare say that they are truly the actual Ming and Joe. They are the reason why I need to thank God even more for validating our decision that day. Because from what they've shown us, our decision that day was correct and it's becoming more apparent. And one more thing, I want to thank these two people for really embodying their characters and putting in immense effort to get into these roles. This is the transformation we've seen. They not only improved as actors but also became the characters themselves, like embodying their essence.

[Are you satisfied with the work after months of filming?]

Pepzi: To be honest, just like the audience, I'm eager to see it. However, we know the storyline because we're the ones arranging the plot's sequence, and I'm also responsible for editing in the post-production phase. Honestly, if I may say so without sounding conceited, I believe I gave it my all. Everyone worked diligently, and while it may not be 100% perfect for others, for us, bringing together everyone's strengths, we're not ashamed to say and we're always ready for others to see and critique.

[What were the difficulties in making this series?]

Pepzi: The difficulty was the action scenes and the drama. But both boys performed exceptionally well. I'm really thankful to them, especially with the blocking of scenes.

[What were the challenges of this script/story?]

Pepzi: The challenge of this series is making viewers believe in our protagonist's guiding storyline. This story with a male lead who I dare say that it's a character who the audience must curse at while watching. I believe some viewers will be upset, and there are certain plot points that some may not like. But like I've said, Ming is just human; he also has unlikable aspects (t/n: the exact term Pepzi used is that Ming has a few 'not so cute' aspect). However, Up's portrayal of Ming convinces us. When it airs, some people may criticize him because his character truly destestable and deserves all these the curses, but it's also important to emphasize that Up fearlessly played this role without fear of losing his image. And so I'm genuinely grateful and thankful if Up['s character] receives criticism afterward, because it's also a recognition that he plays Ming so accurately and well. Everyone please save Up.

[Most difficult and favorite scenes]

Pepzi: The NC scene when they first met. For me, it was difficult because of the blocking for that scene and I'm the person who did the blocking myself. Feeling of enjoyment from my own work. Because the starting point is this initial spark of love from the staircase, then to the room, and then we also incorporated the raining effect while the actors have to perform the NC scenes with multiple blockings. In order for an NC scene to be beautiful, not only does it require the actors' emotions but also the right blockings and the right camera work. It's a challenge for the actors and everyone involved, but I believe the results will be great, and indeed, they've been showcased exceptionally well. There may also be complaints. For my favorite scene... Actually my favorite scene is also an NC scene. However, it's an NC near the end of the series... Because as I've said before, and I have emphasized this repeatedly to the actors that these [NC] scenes aren't just for shock value (t/n: exact term Pepzi used is that these NC scenes do not exist "simply for the viewers to drive their ships"); the specific reason is to depict the love between the characters over time. The plot spans two lifetimes, from the previous one to the current, and it's necessary to complete this love story. For the last NC scene, since I'm the person who designed every action for it, I felt like there were lots of moments that make go... [squeals] There were some shy moments, but in the end, everything stems from love. The two actors also have great chemistry, and for me, and for me, it all turned into beautiful scenes. I thank them very much.

[Explain the name of title "My Stand-in"]

Pepzi: A stand-in is like a substitute. We used a particular person as a substitute for someone else. In the storyline, Joe substitutes for everything three times. The first time, he's a stunt double, a profession on its own. But being a stuntman means it's the profession where Joe willing becomes another star's stand-in. What does this mean? Even there's fame, it belongs to the star, not the substitute. That's the first time being a stand-in. Later on, the second stand-in occurs when he suddenly has a lover who only likes him from behind because his back looks like that of the star. So, Joe is a stand-in, a stand-in again for love. The third time, Joe himself dies and is reborn. Not reborn as a new person, but being transformed into someone else's body. Finally, he circles around until he returns back again to his old life. I think this kind of substitute is his own substitute. It's the third time being a stand-in. So, this series represents Joe being substituting for many aspects.

[Expectations for this drama]

Pepzi: I only hope the viewers watching the series will see the dedication of all the actors as well as the staff. Regarding ratings and... what do they call it?... ahh Twitter trends and things like that, honestly, as a person who works on the series, I can say it without being embarassment that we want it to be high too since it's normal that everyone hopes for that as it's one metric to gauge the quality of this series. But actually more importantly for me, the buzz on Twitter should come from a genuine liking of the series from the viewers' hearts. After watching it, if everyone genuinely falls in love with this series, as creators, we naturally anticipate feedback from the audience. Whether it's praise or criticism, we're happy. But as I've said, I've given my all to showcase our best work for everyone to see.

[Recommend "My Stand-In" to everyone]

Pepzi: Thank you all. Both the actors and the staff have put their best talents into this series. I want the audience to see this as well. I want the audience to see this as well. Please pay more attention to My Stand-In. You can watch it on IQIYI Original. I really hope everyone, as I said, to see that all the staff have put their best talents into this series. We're really eager for everyone to watch it. Whether you like it or not, everyone can comment. We're very proud to introduce this series as really good. You must watch it!

You can watch the original interview here with iQIYI VIP.

[bloody-cupcakes]

Joe Goldberg x yandere/dark! reader x Love Quinn; people start to notice the strange injuries they have

Tw: yandere/dark content, gender neutral reader, throuple (Joe and Love are openly married, the reader is their neighbor who they're in a secret relationship with), the reader is very possessive over the two, swearing, heavily implied domestic abuse/violence inflicted on Joe and Love by the reader, emotional manipulation/gaslighting/victim blaming, mentions of injuries (strained muscles, cuts, bruises, etc.)

Joe and Love Quinn-Goldberg seemed like the perfect couple. They owned a bakery together, they had a baby son- everything about them seemed perfect. Behind closed doors, however, things were not always so cheery.

They met you when you moved to the neighborhood, coincidentally right next door. Love brought a basket of muffins as a housewarming gift, and things kind of went from there. Pretty soon, both her and Joe had become thoroughly obsessed, and to their utter surprise and delight you felt exactly the same.

Everything was great at first. Both of them were able to keep their murderous streaks reigned in for the most part so they wouldn't scare you away, and you even took care of Henry when they were busy (whether that was with the bakery or... other things). Pretty soon, though, things took a darker turn.

You hated the way other people looked at them. Even if you couldn't claim them both as your own, it was a well-known fact that they were married, which should've been an indicator to others to keep their hands off. You didn't miss the way certain acquaintances of theirs seemed to let their gaze linger for a little too long or how some customers would carry on a conversation that should've been relatively quick.

It all came to a head one night when they both got home late, well after you thought they'd be. By this point you'd found out about their little hobby, but that didn't change anything in your eyes. They said they'd be home in time for dinner, and yet they weren't. To say you were furious would've been an understatement.

"Where the fuck have you been?" You demanded in a hushed shout, trying to keep it down a little since Henry was upstairs sleeping. "I've waited up for you two all night long. I had to feed Henry and put him to bed all by myself, which took hours, and you still weren't home yet."

"We were busy with something, calm down," Joe replied calmly in an attempt to help diffuse your anger, but that only made it worse. How dare he tell you to calm down? Who did he think he was?

While this was going on, Love had slipped upstairs to check on the baby. She was only up there for a minute or so when she heard a loud thud, followed by a crash.

Instantly worried, she rushed back down to find Joe holding onto his arm as he stared at you in shock, a vase laying shattered in pieces on the ground. The way she figured fro, the scene before her, you'd most likely shoved him into the wall out of rage, which led to him bumping into the side table that the vase was on, knocking it onto the floor.

"Don't ever lie to me again," you snapped in a firm tone before turning to head into the kitchen. You returned with a dustpan and broom, holding it out to them. "Now clean up this mess."

Love hurried to take the broom from you, casting a quick glance to her husband as she knelt down on the floor to gather up the biggest pieces of the broken vase. Joe was still standing there, clearly in disbelief over what had just happened. In fact, neither one of them could believe you'd ever do anything like that.

The next morning, Joe woke up to find you laying in bed next to him and Love, gently massaging his arm where it had knocked into the wall the night before. "I'm so sorry, sweetie," you cooed. "I never meant to hurt you. I was just upset."

He swallowed thickly, nodding his head at your explanation as he leaned into your touch. Of course it was an accident. You would never do anything like that to him on purpose.

But you had, and unfortunately that was not the last time an event like that occurred. If anything, it was only the beginning.

It was easy to overlook it when Joe had a strained muscle in his arm or when Love had a sore spot on her head (you'd grab her by the hair and yanked it a bit too tight) because those two things could be easily explained away with the story of one of them getting a little too rough between the sheets. Other injuries, however, could not.

Like when Love had to wear bandages around her arm for a couple weeks (you'd made a long cut with a kitchen knife that didn't quickly heal). Or the time that she had a splint on her wrist, which she claimed was from hurting it while baking (in reality, you'd grabbed onto her and refused to let go until she swore she wasn't cheating on you). And there was also the incident that occurred where you punched Joe in the face, resulting in him getting a black eye.

Neighbors were starting to catch on, and even their marriage counselor was becoming worried. Though they repeatedly assured people that everything was fine, it was growing difficult to hide what people could see with their own two eyes. Not to mention the shouting that could sometimes be heard coming from their house late at night.

Because no one knew that you were together, everyone assumed that they were abusing one another and getting into rough fights. You were just thought of as a neighbor, a colleague, a close friend even. Not a lover or a soulmate like you saw yourself to be.

As for getting rid of you, why would they ever want to do that? You were so good to them, even if you did have a slight temper. Whenever they got into a fight, you were always there to help calm them back down, and even took care of them when they got hurt, whether that was from you or elsewhere.

They could never kill you. They couldn't live without you, and they knew it. You were the very glue holding it all together for them. So what if you occasionally got a little pissed and needed to blow off some steam? It was never your fault.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One day when you were visiting the bakery, one of their regulars noticed how Joe had a busted lip that went along with Love's bruised knuckles. You'd egged the both of them on until she hit him, finding the sight when it happened to be quite entertaining.

"Hey, are you alright?" The customer asked Love once Joe had gone into the back, worry seeping into their tone at the sign of obvious abuse. "If you're having trouble at home, there are places you can go to for help."

"I appreciate the concern, but we're fine. Thank you," she said with a fake smile, her politeness only a show as she always hated whenever nosy people thought they had the right to pry into her personal life.

Despite her words of reassurance, they didn't seem very convinced. "But-"

"She said she's fine, now drop it," your cold voice came from behind them. Your presence was completely unexpected, as they hadn't even noticed you were there in the first place.

"R-Right, yes. Sorry." They suddenly seemed very embarrassed over what had happened, as if they realized just how inappropriate the question was. "I'll just go now." Grabbing their order, they quickly scurried out the door, not even bothering to collect their change first.

"I'm sorry about that, sweetheart," you murmured affectionately as you made your way behind the counter, taking Love's hand in yours and bringing it up to your lips so you could place a gentle kiss on the bruises there.

She practically swooned at the gesture, feeling grateful to have someone as protective as you looking out for her. "It's okay. Thank you for helping me get rid of them."

You smiled softly before giving her knuckles another kiss. The both of you knew they'd have to be gotten rid of sooner or later. It didn't take much for rumors to spread, after all.

Other people just didn't understand your love. You hit them sometimes, sure, but it was never out of malice or hate. It was just another way for you to show your fondness for them.

Emotions always had a way of being messy, but that was okay, because you knew they cared about you just the same. They would always forgive you, no matter how many bruises or cuts you left behind.

[pomeloandtv]

She took off her sunglasses and thought.

It was nice to be able to think again. For a change.

How on earth could she ever have believed it was not something that he had planned?

Everything else had been his idea, his project, his execution, why had she believed this wasn't?

Well, for a while thinking had been harder, it was easy to believe anything in that state, but even so …

But that had only been a year. She'd still been smart for a long time before that.

It had started five years ago.

Maybe it had started earlier?

But her memory of it started five years ago.

A growing pain over six months

First unease, something wrong

"Hi Julia!"

Growing to an inner, unexpressed cringe, that's not me

"Happy birthday Julia"

Then wanting to snap at people whenever it happened

"Julia, can you …."

Thinking "That's not my name!" but biting her tongue every single time.

Having to introduce herself had been the worst

"Hi, I'm … Julia" [ugh]

Taking 5 minutes to fill out a form when meeting a surgeon for a consultation. Not wanting to write anything down, but knowing there was nothing else to write down

FIRST NAME: …

But who am I then? If that is not me, who is me?

And then one morning after about six months she had woken up and her name, her real name, her true name was bright and golden in her mind. Everything was so obvious.

And a middle name too? She had a middle name on her birth certificate, but it had never been part of her identity. She could go years without thinking about it.

But now she absolutely had a middle name

Elation. Her name revealed to her.

It was beautiful.

And it was her.

But, she didn't tell anyone. She suffered for another three months.

She engaged in occasional unknown petty acts of rebellion.

Going to the coffee shop when she knew no one was there, making her order, giving her name, "Coffee for …", walking out with her trophy, sometimes her name hidden, pointing towards her, sometimes pointing to the world, depending on how brave she felt.

Baristas with bad writing were her favourite. No need to hide the name.

One morning, she snapped in front of her husband

"Julia, we'll start the …"

"NO!"

He said nothing, waiting

Oh my God, was she really about to tell someone?

"What's wrong"

All the words came out at once

"Thatsnotmyname ImeanIknowitismyname butIhateit Idontwantit itsnotmyrealname pleasedontcallmethat Icanttakeitanymore itisjusttoomuch everyonecallsmethatanditismakingmeinsane ItriedbutIcantlivelikethisanymore"

"Ok, I'll call you anything you want"

Oh God, here it came, she paused too long

"Is there another name you'd prefer?"

"My name is Sweetie, with an i and an e at the end"

And the weight was lifted, and she was now Sweetie to him, and a few weeks later she even told him her middle name.

And he had loved her new name, and delighted in using it

And things at home had been wonderful

But it was still only him who knew

The world did not and she hated the world for it and she was at least a little bit sad in it all the time

And he told her she would have to tell people her true name.

And she had.

And though some people accepted it, a lot of people had hated it.

She understood that it was … a non-standard name, one which carried societal meaning. But that was society's fault, not hers.

One of her friends refused. They weren't friends anymore.

Others were slow to adapt, but they did.

Her parents were a bigger problem. She wasn't prepared to cut them off over this, yet, but she did reduce contact.

Eventually they came around.

They still didn't understand.

But they understood enough to know that it wasn't important whether or not they understood.

On her birthday they baked her a cake with her name in icing.

Her middle name wasn't included.

But that was OK.

She reserved its use for more formal settings. Like work. Friends and family could just call her Sweetie.

But her husband knew how much she loved the middle name too and would call her that and she loved hearing it from him.

"Sweetie Muffins" he would say to her in the morning, when he felt her stirring, and she would sigh happilly.

Sometimes just "Muffins" to be cute.

Things got better.

She looked at some pictures on her phone.

Here was dinner and champagne to celebrate her new legally-changed name.

Pictures of each of the days her driver's license or credit cards arrived.

Sweetie Muffins Baudin

Middle name included, her old middle name never having been.

She was finally herself, Sweetie to her friends, Sweetie Muffins to the wider more formal world.

Occassionally she met resistance to her name from strangers, but that was their problem. Not hers.

Then other big changes came

It got harder to think or to focus.

But she knew that was because of him.

And she knew he wouldn't be doing it if it wasn't what she really wanted.

She never remembered a hypnosis session, but over the years it had become clear to her that he brought her under nearly every day.

And then she had to leave her job.

Which was good. She used to love her job long ago but now she hated it.

But she hadn't told her job she wanted to leave, her job had told her she had to leave.

She kind of remembered the conversation in her boss's office.

She had been confused. She was always confused. But OK.

It was nice like this.

Everyone was so nice to her.

People smiled at her more, or told her not to worry, or that it was going to be OK.

People did things for her.

She could just be nice to people and no one expected anything of her.

Then her boobs got bigger, again

She remembered the pain and the recovery but not much about the decision.

Her husband had took her to a doctor where she had smiled and pretended to understand, but focusing on long sentences was hard

How had he done that to her? So delicious.

And the doctor had smiled at her and she had smiled back. And said "yes", or "I need to think about that" but not much else.

Later, (how much time had passed?) she was in surgery.

And then pain and weight for a while and then bigger boobs.

She liked them a lot.

Everybody else seemed to.

Some of her friends would squeeze them for luck, and she would giggle, and her friends would pat her head.

And there were other changes.

Like her first boob job, he'd already made changes to her face, before, when thinking was easy.

But now he made more.

She looked at some old pictures.

She had always thought of herself as beautiful before, before she met him even.

But now ….

And then one day her husband had told her she would be getting a tattoo on her ass.

He'd picked her other tattoos of course, just as he had when she had been smarter.

She had tried to think of something to say in reply. She pursed her lips.

"What will this tattoo be of Daddy?"

"Your name"

"My name?"

"Sweetie Muffins"

"I love my name!"

He had laughed warmly. "It's a great name"

"I really love my name!"

"Well, if you ever forget it, and its possible with that silly head of yours, you can just look at your ass to remember it"

"Ok?" she had smiled back, replaying what he had said. He had said a lot. A knot appearing on her forehead. "Oh! I get it!"

She had her intelligence back now

Four months ago he'd stopped performing whatever conditioning he had been doing that made it hard to focus.

She'd been back to herself for a few weeks now, adjusting.

She said she'd like to be turned back, made stupid again, he had promised he would.

But for now, he wanted to see the light of understanding in her eyes.

"And there is a different pleasure you will get in comprehending. So we can have fun with that too"

Later; "maybe I'll just make you dumb for other people", he had mused

"If you want, but it was nice to be dumb for you too"

She came inside from the patio and looked at herself in the mirror.

So gorgeous

He had told her yesterday he'd be pumping her lips back up.

"Back up", she had asked? "They were bigger?"

"They were a lot bigger last year, they've come down since. Look at your old Instagram pics"

Those were big

Seeing made her remember

They had been huge in her field of vision.

Her lips were still big, well beyond her natural size, still visible in her field of vision.

But not like those old ones.

"I'm remembering something, uh, did I have trouble talking or something? I seem to remember … a feeling … it was difficult …"

"We had a bit of botox placed behind the middle of your top lip. It made it harder for you to form the shapes needed to pronounce certain sounds. You were adorable"

"I remember, … uh, can we do it again? I mean, I'd like to experience it now"

He had winked.

"Will you do that again, I mean, if you make me stupid again will you make changes to me I don't understand?"

"That's a guarantee. I'll make some temporary changes that go away like those lips. But I'll make permanent changes too like your tits"

"uhhhh, yes please, whatever you want"

She took off her dress and looked at her ass in the mirror. At her tattoo.

She got a second hand-held mirror so she could see what other people saw. Without mirror writing.

Sweetie Muffins

It was her name.

Nothing felt more real to her than that.

She was Sweetie Muffins

Funny how a middle name had never mattered before. Now it was just one grade below being the second part of a double-barralled first name.

She had always been Sweetie Muffins, even when she had been Julia Falkner, or Julia Grace Falkner according to her birth cert.

She would always be Sweetie Muffins.

She didn't want to be anything else.

She loved the tattoo.

It was cute and sweet. Like her.

Visible in a bikini, or in the gym changing room.

He had installed a small gym at home, but she wasn't allowed use it.

She had asked why, now that her smarts were back, it had occurred to her that it was weird that she went to the gym.

"I like that you have to work out around people in your sports bra and booty shorts"

"Besides, you need things to do all day, and going to the gym can be one of them"

That was true. She'd been getting bored as her intelligence came back. What had she done all day before with no work to go to?

Clothes shopping certainly. She hadn't asked him about it yet, but she hadn't found any of her old clothes.

Everything she had now was more colourful, attention-attracting.

And the only more-plainly-coloured items were all tighter, shorter, lower-cut.

She'd taken to wearing these items - like the black cocktail dress she'd just taken off - just to not feel like an explosion in a paint factory

She looked from the dress on the floor back to her tattoo

Sweetie Muffins, the tattoo said to her

"That's you", it said to her

"That's me", she said to herself

"I'm Sweetie Muffins"

The name was intrinsic to her

Everyone should know who I am.

All this was true for her

All this would always be true for her

Even now having learned the truth.

She had never seen herself under before.

But he had shown her a video of the first hypnosis session where he had began the work of changing her name.

Making her feel disgust at Julia

Implanting her need for Sweetie Muffins.

And she knew it never would have taken, her mind would have rejected it, had she not wanted it

She was Sweetie Baudin

Sweetie Muffins Baudin for more formal occasions.

[chronologicalerrors]

Crowley, Angels and Free Will: More Good Omens Meta

I’ve been thinking a lot about Crowley in the Land of Uz recently. Particularly this scene:

A: Come on! You're a little bit on our side. C: Not even the littlest. A: Well, you're not on Hell's side. C: I go along with Hell as far as I can. A: So whose side are you on? C: My side.

Until this point, although Crowley has never seemed particularly ideologically aligned with the other demons of Hell, we could assume that Crowley’s fondness for life on Earth was a gradual process. He and Aziraphale have come to appreciate the lifestyle (cars and restaurants and music and wine and houseplants and coffee and various aspects of human invention) and the life they had amongst the people, and each came to vastly prefer it to a life in their respective Head Offices. But here, in Uz, we find out that Crowley realised this a very, very long time ago. He’s already discovered the joys of some human delights, particularly the wine. And just look at how knowing his face is here when Aziraphale first tastes food:

That's the face of someone who's been doing this for a while...

This story takes place in 2500 BC. Crowley’s been on Earth for 1500 years or so, only bumping into Aziraphale very occasionally. It’s not known how long Crowley’s only been going along with Hell, but the suggestion is that he’s always been this way. Playing the part of the demon, all while making his own choices. This incident with Job clearly wasn’t the first time he impeded Hell’s plans. He’s been playing his own game since leaving Eden, probably.

The implication here is that he was never really on board with Hell from the start. He was cast out of Heaven for asking too many questions, but never really took to the idea of ‘the other side’, or sides in general. He’s always been on his own side, coming up with his own ideas. The Metatron, who evidently knew Crowley when he was an angel, says as much in the final episode:

Metatron: Ah, well, always did want to go his own way. Always asking damn fool questions, too.

Ever since he was an angel, Crowley was going his own way. He never particularly bought was Lucifer was selling, he just wanted the freedom to decide things for himself. As Crowley says, he never meant to fall. Heaven just couldn’t accommodate an angel who didn’t follow the rules. Hell isn’t the right place for him either, though - and he knows it. Over the years 'my side' has become 'our side', but he's never really aligned himself with Heaven or Hell:

So what’s going on with Crowley and why has he never fit in with either side? For my money, it’s because Crowley has free will. Something angels and demons aren’t supposed to have. Aziraphale says as much in their discussion in Edinburgh in 1827:

A: Look, I am good. You, I'm afraid, are evil. But people get a choice.

But Crowley isn’t evil, and has seemingly never been that way. He’s been an angel with too many questions, and a demon who wouldn’t kill goats or fire guns. He’s always exercised a right to choose how he behaves, what actions he takes. He tries to stop Aziraphale calling his actions 'nice', but he does indeed often choose to do good, even though he's technically a demon. Crowley does things because that’s what he wants to do.

Aziraphale is developing this way too. Angels aren’t supposed to do what they want – they’re supposed to do what God wants. But with Job, Aziraphale does what he thinks is just, even though it's not what he was supposed to do, for the first time. That’s the poignancy of their final conversation in Uz:

A: But what am I? C: You're just an angel who goes along with Heaven as far as he can.

Crowley was an angel like this once too. Aziraphale hasn’t yet broken away from Heaven, though. He’s not quite ready to go his own way, be on their own side, make his own choices. To choose Crowley. He will choose this eventually, but it’s been a more gradual process for him.

Crowley, though. He’s been like this since he was an angel. Which means – was Crowley created with free will? Was he made this way?

God plays an ineffable game of her own devising, after all...

[thewritingmagician2022]

Helloooo can I request the brother reaction to mc cracking their bones when stretching? I do it quite often because I sit down for ages but it helps relieve tension so much.

I love your writing style as well! ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡

Thank you so much for the compliment and the request - they both mean a lot to me!

I want to apologize because I know this isn't my best work for sure; I'm currently sick and I also hate joints cracking lmao but I hope you still enjoy.

Lucifer: Lucifer is like me where he’s going to cringe, just a little, and his eye may twitch. The sound of you cracking is so jarring and inelegant, especially to a demon who doesn’t have that problem. I can see it being one of those “ugh, do you have to make that sound?” kind of things for him and he’ll side eye you if you do it in public. You can definitely use this knowledge to intentionally annoy him if you want to. 

Mammon: Mammon hates it. The first time you did it, he thought you broke a bone and was subsequently in tears about how you managed to do that to yourself. Why are humans so breakable?! Once he realizes it doesn’t hurt you, he calms down a bit but he definitely still gets the ick out of sheer worry each time it happens in front of him.  However, he does delight in how much it bugs Lucifer and wishes he could crack his own knuckles to do the same. 

Levi: like Mammon, Levi was absolutely shook at first that you’d somehow busted your knuckles playing video games with him (that’s the first time he heard it was after a long gaming session) and all he could think about was how he didn’t know you were such a hardcore gamer being able to keep playing after that. Once he learns the truth, he basically ignores it. He lowkey wishes he could crack like that too because he’s always tense/tight from spending so much time sitting and you make it sound so relieving.

Satan: Satan finds it fascinating; he likes learning about all the little quirks of being human. He researches about the effects cracking joints can have and exactly why it happens. I imagine that he would ignore it for the most part once he’s used to it. He does like the idea of being able to crack his knuckles, especially in that threatening way they have in movies and books, so when you guys are arguing with people he may gesture to you to do it. It might not be as scary coming from a human but it’s still plenty intimidating to watch a human crack their knuckles and have Satan pop out at the cue. 

Asmo: Typically it’s an ick for Asmo. It just doesn’t sound cute, you know? You sound old and rickety and vulnerable, like all humans do. He'll mostly ignore it though he does scold you if you do intentionally. He’s that person who would believe the urban legend about it causing arthritis and will regularly remind you to be careful so you don’t end up broken or with messed up looking joints. 

Beel: Beel has a panic moment, like Mammon. He’s worried that you’ve injured yourself in some way and is immediately all over you, asking if you’re okay and what happened. It takes a while to explain to him that it’s just air trapped between joints and that clearing it out actually helps you feel better. After that, Beel is always happy to ask if you need help cracking. He’s nervous to go too hard and hurt you but he’s the kind of person who will pick you up to help your back crack. 

Belphie: Honestly, I imagine Belphie’s got a little bit of PTSD that flares up when he hears the cracking. It reminds him of when he murdered you and heard/felt all of your bones cracking. It’s really unfortunate and the first time it happens, he runs off and avoids you for a solid day or two because he can’t look at you without hearing the sound. He’ll look up ways to help your joints so it doesn’t happen as often and you have to be careful not to purposefully do it in front of him, even if you try to assure him that this is totally different and safe. 

[deep-fried-egg]

For anyone wondering I AM deep-fried-egg. That account is deactivated though.

What just happened?

Warnings: oral, smut, lesbians, gxg relationship, real people, celebrity stuff idk, r squirts. That isn't a warning but yk man.

SMUT BELOW THE CUT

Jenna lightly trailed kisses down my stomach "You're so gorgeous," she mumbled into my skin, 'You know how I feel about you right?' She trailed her fingertips over my body, "Your curves are perfect." Her soft lips met mine and the kiss was as sensuous as her touch.

She moved to my neck, "Do I still have your permission?" She asked as her fingers teased the bottom of my bra. Jenna's hands never stopped moving, she seemed intent on finding a new erogenous zone.

My head fell back, my eyes closed. I could feel myself getting wetter by the second. I loved when she was like this, when she took control, made me do what she wanted. It gave me a rush that felt more than sexual.

"Yes, yes Jenna, please, do it... Please." I whispered breathlessly. My hips jerked involuntarily. While her mouth found its way back to my breasts.

I moaned in relief at the feeling of Jenna's mouth on me. It was so good to be worshipped. It was so good to be the center of attention. To receive worship from the most beautiful person alive. My Jenna was the only person who knew how to make me feel good, how to make me come hard and fast.

I opened my eyes and watched as her lips continued their exploration down my body. When she finally reached where I wanted her most.

A small smile curled at her lips as she slid my underwear aside. "Beautiful, perfect." She murmured before licking up all of my slick.Jenna's long nails traced patterns on my thigh with each pass of her tongue. A pleasurable shiver ran through me at the sensation. "How can someone so beautiful exist?" She mumbled as her tongue lapped at her finger tips. Then she pulled off my underwear in one fluid motion. "You're my woman." She said while sliding two fingers deep inside me.

I bit back moans as pleasure pulsed throughout my body and I felt myself tightening around Jenna's fingers.

My hand tangled in her short hair. "Please," I begged, "Please I'm so close..." My breath came out in pants as waves of euphoria rolled through me. My entire body shook. The sensation had me gasping for breath. All I could hear was my pulse in my ears as Jenna started sucking at my clit with such fervor. I was almost there, almost ready to explode...

Then it happened, It just felt like everything left my body, I feel so light. But Jenna on the other hand quickly pulled away from me withthe lower half of her face covered in my cum.

"What...what just happened?" Jenna managed as she stared wide eyed at her dripping fingers. The fear in her expression quickly faded and replaced by pure excitement.

"Oh my god I thought something bad happened! Fuck I didn't realize that I made you squirt!" Jenna grabbed her shirt off the floor and she wiped her face and hands off with it.  She threw it down with a loud thump.  "This is so fucking amazing.”  Jenna gushed in delight.  She jumped onto me and kissed me again and again.  After the third one she looked at me, "What are you staring at? Aren't you happy I just made you cum?"   Jenna playfully swiped at me with one last sloppy kiss.     “Are you ok?"  She leaned forward, "Did I hurt you?"  She looked worried.

"Um no, it's just.. I don't think I've ever seen you this excited."  I smiled at her.  "That was amazing!" I said.  "But I need water now."     She stood up and put my clothes back on.  "Thank you.”  I said while taking her hand and giving it a quick squeeze.

"Let's get you something to drink," She said then turned around and walked towards the kitchen.